jesus

jesus
1. (Jesus) (17835↑, 7429↓)
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people([christians]).

Jesus:be nice to others.

2. (Jesus) (17195↑, 7265↓)
The dude who mows my lawn.

Jesus, you missed a spot.

Author: Brian-Peppers http://jesus.urbanup.com/1301701
3. (Jesus) (10685↑, 4351↓)
A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club. Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is “right.”

Dude: “Hey\! What the hell are you doing to my car???” Other dude: “Jesus’ will.”

4. (Jesus) (14765↑, 9752↓)
The light of the world, the one who came and died on the cross to forgive us of all of our sins. There is a religion based on that, called Christianity.

Jesus is the light of the world. Read John 3:16.

5. (Jesus) (6714↑, 3141↓)
Jesus lived a really long time ago in the Holy Land. He taught a lot of people to be nice to each other. He told stories, called parables, to help people understand about heaven and how they should live. A bunch of guys called Pharisees thought that he was dissing God by calling himself God's son (they called it blasphemy), so they plotted to kill him. One of Jesus' closest friends helped the Roman soldiers capture Jesus for about 12 bucks. The Romans were fair about it, though, and gave the people of Rome the choice to free either Jesus, or a guy who was thrown in jail for murder; they chose to free the murderer. Jesus was publicly humiliated in front of loads of people, and was nailed to a cross. Even when all this had happened, he still asked God to forgive everybody for treating him like a criminal. Jesus was one of the most influential men in history. Our modern day calendar is based on his birth. About 30% of the world's population hail Jesus as God. They say he performed many miracles and even came back from the dead. The Christian religion states that Jesus died for the forgiveness of sins, and that even if you are a terrible person in this world, as long as you believe in him as Christ, you will be forgiven and will go to heaven. Even if you don't believe Jesus is the Messiah, you've got to admit, he was a pretty cool guy and inspired millions of people to be nicer.

Jesus says, "Love that guy that trash-canned you back in 9th grade

6. (jesus) (4504↑, 2652↓)
The guy who came and died on the cross to pay the debt of my sins. Analogy:

In the court... Judge: Danapal, you have a debt. Danapal: Yes,I am sorry, it won't happen again. Jesus walks in and hands the judge the money I owe. Danapal: Thank you Jesus\!

7. (Jesus) (2690↑, 1480↓)
1. Jesus is a Hebrew name, which means "the Lord saves." 2. He is believed to be the "Messiah"(or Ha-Mashia) that had been foretold and written by the prophets in astounding accuracy from birth to death and resurrection on scrolls thousands of years before it came to pass. Jews do not believe Jesus as the Messiah and are still waiting for the Messiah to come. Three major books that Jews and Christians read are the books of the Law (Torah), the Prophets (Nevi'im), and the Writings (Kethuvim). The two groups disagree because Jews are waiting for a ruler to come and be enthroned as a ruler forever according to II Samuel 7:16: "Your house and your kingdom will endure forever." It was nearly unimaginable for anyone at that time to even think a Messiah would die in a death sentence shamefully stripped naked amongst the criminals. It's, however, written in Isiah: "he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter... he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors." 3. Jesus Christ is NOT the first and the last name. Christ means the "Anointed One" - Aramaic word for Messiah. Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One. Long ago, Israel had three offices that were anointed. They were the priests, prophets, and the kings. Therefore, Christ is the ultimate Anointed One who who's had all three functions: 1) Priest= way to God 2) Prophet= way from God 3) King= ruler with all authority both in heaven and earth.

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, ou will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10

8. (Jesus) (1546↑, 800↓)
My mexican gardener, he does a great job

Me: Jesus, you did a great job on the tulips yesterday\! Jesus: Gracias\!

Author: Anastacia Beverhausen http://jesus.urbanup.com/1470243
9. (Jesus) (977↑, 427↓)
A good answer for pretty much anything.

Billy: Hey Tom, what's the answer to \#2? Tom: Jesus.

Author: Allie, that Greek kid. http://jesus.urbanup.com/2130472
10. (jesus) (985↑, 600↓)
The most well-known Jew, after Woody Allen.

Woody Allen is a mitzvah to humankind\! Jesus? What chutzpah\!

11. (Jesus) (851↑, 485↓)
One of the good guys.

Apparantly Jesus saves people like Spider-man.

Author: Manga (Keelan) http://jesus.urbanup.com/1868594
12. (Jesus) (968↑, 649↓)
a kid in my english class.

Jesus is mexican but speaks english gooder than me and i was born in america.

13. (jesus) (780↑, 496↓)
Jesus Christ is the son of God according to the Christian faith.

Jesus is my homeboy. Amen.

14. (jesus) (688↑, 426↓)
A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so that he can remove an evil force in your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Easter: Happy Zombie Jesus Day\!

Author: Squee4Starscream http://jesus.urbanup.com/2911745
15. (Jesus) (1757↑, 1546↓)
The Son of God, The Lion of Judah, The Prince of Peace, True Vine, The Way, The Truth, The Light, The Door, The Savior of Mankind.

I love Jesus Christ the Son of God\!\!\!

16. (jesus) (675↑, 492↓)
Jesus, is a cool guy who is cooler than nature, enjoys long romantic walks on water, and doesn't get all big-headed about being God's son.

Girl: So what do you like to do? Jesus: I enjoy long romantic walks on water. Girl: Only Jesus can do that. Jesus: Bitch, I am Jesus\! Mark 13:1

Author: Blacktop Preacha http://jesus.urbanup.com/1269983
17. (Jesus) (260↑, 90↓)
The Son of God according to Cristians, and the only person ever to be blamed for commiting billions of different crimes after he had already died (dee-de-dee). He was a man who is blamed by many for things he didn't do rather than priased for the good things he did do. People are dumb. They often look at the evil doings of people who aren't Jesus and blame him for things they did just because they said it was Cristian-like so they could get away with it, such as slavery and the slaughter of homosexuals. Those things are evil and it goes without saying that some Christians are an utter disgrace to the poor guy. Jesus made it quite clear that you shouldn't put others below yourself for your own greed and racist intentions, and certainly told us NOT to kill each other. Jesus was a virtuous man who never wanted people to hide behind his reputation as a peacemaker so they could get away with committing acts of evil. People who do such acts, according to many faiths (not just Christianity), will probably pay for it in full.

Thou shalt not kill. (self-explanatory) Thou shalt not bare false witness against thy neighbor. (in other words, don't blame people for things they didn't do. Jesus never killed or enslaved others, WE did, so don't take it out on him). Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. (don't be a greedy bitch) Don't be a hater, Jesus loves everyone. And if that doesn't convince you, remember, Jesus saved Chuck Norris.

Author: Phil T. from NJ http://jesus.urbanup.com/3084261
18. (Jesus) (745↑, 582↓)
Nice guy, with good ideas. Often called "Jeebus" in jest. Stressed kindness and forgiveness towards others, and leading an all-around good, virtuous life. One of the most interesting philosophical thinkers in history, and certainly one of the most quoted. Also, as seen on urbandictionary.com, he's apparently a lot of people's homeboys. I'm not sure if he necessarily wanted his followers to condemn other faiths, or tell people that "If you don't believe in God, you'll burn in Hell, and I don't want that, so please please please believe in God", as in the case of "Read the bible and learn" who posted an earlier definition. He preached of mankind's free will, so I don't think he wanted that being taken away from us... Anyways, he was a man who lived a truly moral and virtuous life. Christians see him as a god, non-Christians either see him as a prophet or a moral person who lived a good life, stoners see him...all the time... and UD Christians see him as a "homeboy"

Sweet Zombie Jesus\! --or-- Holy Monkey Jeebus\!

19. (jesus) (1007↑, 851↓)
Jesus saves sinners...

and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes

20. (Jesus) (389↑, 239↓)
Mythological Goalkeeper from Nazareth; he probably reached his peak around 27/28 AD.

Jesus saves\! ..... Passes to Moses\! ...... GOOOOOAAAALLLLL\!\!\!\!\!

21. (Jesus) (287↑, 169↓)
The son of the almighty God. Our brother who died for our sins, so that we could be saved from our ever-sinful lives.

"It is through Jesus Christ we are righteous before God."

Author: Unknown Believer http://jesus.urbanup.com/3073465
22. (Jesus) (255↑, 145↓)
1. My Father in Heaven 2. My Best Friend. 3. My Homie. 4. My God. 5. My Hero. 6. My Healer. 7. My Jesus.

If you can't see the simple truth I do Then there's nothing in this world that's left to say But jesus loves you

Author: Ashleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy http://jesus.urbanup.com/3196863
23. (jesus) (153↑, 47↓)
THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH: 1. He never got married. 2. He never held a steady job. 3. His last request was a drink. THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus. 2. He was always in trouble with the law. 3. His mother didn't know who his father was. THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN: 1) He talked with his hands. 2) He had wine with every meal. 3) He worked in the building trades. THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK: 1) He called everybody brother. 2) He had no permanent address. 3) Nobody would hire him. THREE ARGUMENTS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN: 1) He never cut his hair. 2) He walked around barefoot. 3) He invented a new religion. AND FINALLY, THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH: 1) He went into his father's business. 2) He lived at home until the age of 33. 3) He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure He was God.

Jesus' tales. - Why do Jews get a better deal in Heaven than the rest of them? - Because they happen to be relatives of the Boss.

24. (jesus) (1069↑, 982↓)
the only perfect man to ever walk the face of this earth and give hope a definition

Luke 8:28 When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell at his feet, shouting at the top of his voice, "what do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you don't torture me\!" Jesus, Son of God

25. (Jesus) (266↑, 196↓)
I haven't read the Bible, but here's what I've deduced about Jesus from watching Fox News: 1.) Jesus is a die-hard Republican. He spends a lot of his time reading books by Ann Coulter and appearing at fundraisers for groups like Focus on the Family. 2.) Jesus was among the earliest proponents for the invasion of Iraq, and even today He sees the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent civilians as a necessary price to pay for installing a western-style democracy in Iraq. 3.) Jesus is an outspoken proponent of supply-side economics, which favor tax cuts to the wealthy. He's also a huge fan of Ronald Reagan. 4.) Jesus thinks that poor people are poor because they are lazy. 5.) Jesus is appalled by same-sex marriage. He thinks that straight people who hate each other have more of a right to be married than two gay people who love each other. Jesus strongly feels that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice. 6.) Jesus does not believe that global warming is caused by humans. He also thinks that intelligent design should be taught in science classes. 7.) Jesus supports capital punishment, and that's why He desperately wanted George W. Bush to be president, and He couldn't be more pleased with how the Bush Administration turned out. 8.) Jesus never misses the O'Reilly factor. And He absolutely hates the Colbert Report. 9). Jesus is radically opposed to a provision of health care to all citizens. He thinks it would lead to a welfare state. 10. And finally, Jesus is really upset that Barack Obama won the 2008 election. He has decided that a second coming will be necessary, and He will rapture people into the heavens on the basis of their party affiliations and campaign contributions.

Fox News is fair and balanced, even when it comes to Jesus\!

Author: Jack Torrance-Overlook Hotel http://jesus.urbanup.com/3613206
26. (jesus) (356↑, 288↓)
this cool dude with cool hippie hair who talked about how great it would be if everyone would stop being assholes to each other and just get along man. stop the hate\!

how could you hate jesus?\!

27. (jesus) (219↑, 155↓)
Jesus is the way to God. He died for all of us and loves us very much.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."-John 14:16

28. (Jesus) (138↑, 77↓)
The Son of God. He came to the to save the world from sin. He was born of a virgin so that the seed of din could not pass onto Him so that he would be a perfect sacrifice for man. He died on the Cross for the sins of the world so that those who believe and follow Him would be saved. When people say "God doesn't know how it feels to..." they are wrong because of Jesus. He went through everything but never once sinned.

John 3:16-19; Romans 6:23 "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is through Christ Jesus our Lord" Hebrew 4:15 "Yet Jesus did not sin\!"

29. (Jesus) (254↑, 212↓)
The coolest guy ever. My Savior and the Savior of mankind. Will come back at the end of the world to save His people. King of Kings, (not Triple H)

Jesus: I am the way, the truth, and the life.

Author: Yaweh's Servant http://jesus.urbanup.com/1872835
30. (Jesus) (88↑, 48↓)
The single greatest person in the history of everything.

historian: Did you know jesus and Moses used guns to defeat the romans?

Author: The Great American http://jesus.urbanup.com/3279247
31. (jesus) (274↑, 240↓)
Man who was nailed to a tree for stating how good it would be to be nice to each other, for a change.

Nearly 2 thousand years after Jesus, a young girl suddenly realized what was wrong with the world, but before she could tell anybody, the world was destroyed by a vogon constructor fleet, paving way for a hyper-space bypass.

32. (Jesus) (53↑, 21↓)
Saying "Jesus" backwards sounds like "Sausage" try it.

Jesus backwards: Susej = Sausage\! Now thumbs up this comment, or I KILL YOU.

Author: JESUS,I.WANNA.BUTRAPE.YOU\! http://jesus.urbanup.com/5168256
33. (Jesus) (106↑, 75↓)
savior, the great I Am, wonderful, author of salvation, counselor, mighty God, maker of heaven and earth, holy one, saving son, the king of every age, the almighty, yeshua, God of love, emmanuel, God with us\!

Jesus conquered the grave. :) it's all about Him. hatred stirs up dissension, but love conquers all wrongs-proverbs 10:12.

34. (Jesus) (76↑, 45↓)
Died on the cross for my sins so that I may be forgiven and gain the free gift of eternal life.

Billy: Mike, you *bleepin'* *bleep*, haven't seen you in 10 *bleepin'* years\! How you been? Mike: Well Billy, I'm actually a Christian now... and a pastor at that\! Billy: Well I'll be damned\! Mike: You don't have to Billy, Jesus can save you\!

Author: Mr. Goodbar X85 http://jesus.urbanup.com/3312729
35. (Jesus) (49↑, 22↓)
The man most commonly associated with the christian religion

I love Jesus

36. (jesus) (568↑, 542↓)
a black jew who founded christianity

Jesus: "I am black, and I am a Jew"

37. (jesus) (293↑, 268↓)
Everyone who dies and then comes back to life are zombies. Jesus died and then came back to life. Jesus is a zombie

[Satanist]: Jesus will eat your brains\!\!

38. (jesus) (104↑, 81↓)
a pretty awesome guy & my savior. he didn't consider himself above others. he preached about loving all other people and helping everyone and not judging or discriminating. he really didn't like "holier then thou" attitudes (Matthew 6:5-25). he led by example. i believe that he was the Son of God and that he was crucified for our sins- which would be a pretty strange thing to do if he wasn't all about LOVE- and that he rose again. Christianity is the religion that follows him, and it sucks that there is so much corruptuin, ect. associated with it. Jesus preached help and love your neighbor (aka everybody), forgiveness, not judging, and that God is all about love (which is why he sent Jesus). i think it's pretty interesting that people who say that they love Jesus turn around and hate on others based on their skin color, religion, or lifestyle choice. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * person 1: so what did you do this summer? me: well i went with my refreshingly open-minded church on a mission trip to help people in that disaster area, rebuilding homes and child care and such. Cuz thats the kind of stuff Jesus was all about. person 1: so y'all don't do those anti-people (that don't agree with everything you say so they are going to hell) rallies and giving half your salary so your religious leader can buy a ferrari cuz he said God spoke directly to him and told you to? me: uhhh NO.

Jesus was a good guy. && my example is in the def.

39. (jesus) (293↑, 269↓)
Was black according to 'Dogma'.

person 1: What an interesting concept, to think Jesus was black and so much white Christian tyranny could be based on a lie. person 2: Dude.

40. (Jesus) (225↑, 202↓)
The man who works at the local car wash.

"Jesus, last time I got my car back I found a white stain in the back seat."

41. (Jesus) (66↑, 46↓)
The Holy Son of God, The creator of the the Universe, and of all life, who was born of the Virgin Mary, lived on earth, was crucified and after his death was resurrected into heaven, and will return one day to judge the living and dead. Those who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

I was a addicted to drugs, committed adultery, slept with prostitutes, with another mans wife, and was a thief too. I realized i was wrong, my life was upside down and I was in emotional torment and guilt. I confessed my sins to the Lord Jesus Christ, asked Him to be the Lord of my life, and he forgave my sins and renewed my spirit. I have given up the former ways and no longer desire to do those things which separated me from God (Jesus). He has also promised me Eternal life in Heaven which is his eternal Gift for those that believe in Him.

42. (Jesus) (50↑, 31↓)
The [second coming] is here\! Jesus is back in the form of [Joel Zimmerman] aka [deadmau5]\!\! We are saved\!\!

Jesus is back bitches\!\!

43. (Jesus) (36↑, 19↓)
Awesome Dude.

Jesus is the freaking man. O_O

Author: You Don't Need To Kno My Name. http://jesus.urbanup.com/3411546
44. (Jesus) (52↑, 36↓)
1. Jesus was a Jewish man who is known to Christian society as a man who taught the word of God. He did everything in his power to spread his teachings, and attempt to make peace in the world. 2. Jesus - A common Mexican name, pronounced, hey-zeus or hay-zoos 3. A nickname for the one person in a group who is normally calm and quiet, but who a lot of people tend to mess with/pick on. He/She usually tries to create peace through talking rather than fighting, and often seems to love everybody as his/her family. If Jesus speaks, he/she usually only uses a few words, rather than complete sentences.

1.(No example neccessary) 2.(No example neccessary) 3. "Wassup, Jesus? Wanna go shoot some hoops?" "Sure." "Ready to get [pwned]?" "We'll see."

45. (jesus) (131↑, 115↓)
An axclamation that indicates something heavy has dropped on your foot or similar unexpected event.

Jesus\! which one of you brain surgeons dropped the hammer on my foot. Anyway, I was explaining to her, oh Jesus - did you drop that one? It stinks\!

Author: JapaneseMaths http://jesus.urbanup.com/2581587
46. (Jesus) (40↑, 25↓)
The spoken Word of God, or the Son of God. Died for our sins, one can be saved and get access to God and heaven through Jesus Christ. One can also live life more abundantly through him.

Guy one: Hey, do you know about Jesus? Guy two: No? Guy one: He is The spoken Word of God, or the Son of God. Died for our sins, one can be saved and get access to God and heaven through Jesus Christ. Guy two: Really? Guy one: Yes, here is a book called the Bible with some of his words in it, what he said and did, and a story of how and why he came into the world. Read it.

47. (Jesus) (24↑, 10↓)
His birth and life was prophesied by Isaiah among others. Born in Bethlehem by immaculate conception from God to his virgin mother Mary. Raised in Nazareth. Performed many miracles. Preached to love and forgive. Crucified for all sin, rose from the dead, ascended into heaven. He has many names:

Jesus Christ Son of God Savior Messiah Prince of Peace Lamb of God Lion of the tribe of Judah

48. (Jesus) (19↑, 8↓)
the Prince of Peace, the Son of Man, the Lamb of God, the Great I Am, He's the Alpha and Omega, our God and Our Savior, He is Jesus Christ our Lord, He is, He is.

Jesus died on the cross to save sinners, who are destined to burn in Hell for all eternity. however, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God saved him from the dead, you will be saved." says the Bible. and by saved, you won't burn in Hell for all eternity. you will go to heaven when you die and be in the presence of the most wonderful being in the entire universe.

49. (Jesus) (29↑, 18↓)
The mexican guy at the car wash.

Keep washing that car Jesus\!

50. (Jesus) (38↑, 27↓)
Awesome and Sweet and Kind Son of God. The Savior of the world. Giver of Eternal life and Forgiver of sins.

Jesus is [awesome]

Author: AtheismSucksSatanSuckstoo http://jesus.urbanup.com/3962018
51. (Jesus) (369↑, 358↓)
Purest example of love ever known, love in a form that is incomprehensable, even to those who hate Him so much, pure enough to love those who show that hate on this very page.

Calender of western world centers around His birth, acknowledged historically from non-Christian sources, documents of His followers are historically accurate, was seen ressurected and acknowledged as doing such.

52. (Jesus) (38↑, 28↓)
the most famous zombie ever

romero only WISHES he could cast jesus in a movie

Author: Lily_of_Geeks http://jesus.urbanup.com/4294515
53. (Jesus) (57↑, 47↓)
I am tired of everyone bitching and arguing about what color Jesus was. HE WAS NOT BLACK OR WHITE HE WAS MIDDLE EASTERN\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\! By the way middle eastern people are more closely related to white people so stop being asswipes\! HE WASN'T BLACK

I am damn tired of people telling me jesus was black, he was middle eastern.

Author: superninjapenguin http://jesus.urbanup.com/2282547
54. (Jesus) (19↑, 10↓)
a kick ass superhero.

person 1 "holy shit is that jesus, how is he not sinking" person 2 "he can walk on water dipshit"

55. (jesus) (17↑, 8↓)
Contrary to many artistic renditions, Jesus appeared in the form of a rather plain looking man and is looked up to by Christians as the Lord and Saviour of the mankind, and has referred to himself as the King of The Jews on more than one occasion. He was born in a small village in Bethlehem around 0 A.D. where the historical biblical character King David was also from. Throughout Christ's ministry, many of Israel's most well known rulers and religious elite were offended with his authoritative and new approach to teaching scriptures that conflicted with their traditions. He taught that men should love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength, and that they ought to love their neighbors as themselves, which confliced with many Pharisees' views of law at the time. A very large church with many denominations was founded upon his teachings and has spread to just about every nation in the world.

Jesus Christ's coming announced by angels in the King James Version bible still read by many Christians today: And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Author: Nimrod Nineveh http://jesus.urbanup.com/4365525
56. (Jesus) (40↑, 31↓)
The guy, whom most Christian girls are [overjesused] about.

Sandra: I love Jesus SOOO much. He is my friend\! Kate: Yes, so is mine\! I really love Jesus. Tom: You should probably find some REAL friends, gals... Kate & Sandra: -______-

57. (Jesus) (64↑, 55↓)
Jehovah's first born who willingly left his lofty position in heaven and sacrificed his life on earth. This is the greatest act of love and compensates for the sin of Adam and Eve. Jesus claimed, in the Bible gospels, that he will transform the earth into a paradise.

Dude, today Jesus is seperating people like sheeps and goats.

58. (Jesus) (11↑, 4↓)
Jesus is the light of the world. He died for our sins. He loves us enough to die on a cross for us. He never will forsake us. He is the Son of God.

"Jesus died so my sins could be forgiven," said the little girl.

Author: ChristLovesMe http://jesus.urbanup.com/5727225
59. (Jesus) (19↑, 12↓)
Our savior Who died on the cross to save us from our sins.

The one who keeps my faith alive. I say to myself that everythings going to be okay, because of Jesus.

Author: peaceiseverything http://jesus.urbanup.com/4811750
60. (Jesus) (23↑, 17↓)
John Cornelius O'Callaghan V, lead singer of the band The Maine as of July 3, 2010. see twitter.com/johnmaine for proof

MM: I asked The Maine to hold me down\! DK: Why? MM: Because Jesus is their singer\!

61. (Jesus) (23↑, 17↓)
The only hippy anyone ever listened too.

Hippy: "You can't OWN property" Jesus: "It's all good."

62. (Jesus) (25↑, 19↓)
The man of peace, prosperity, and love. He an Moses defeated the Romans using Uzi's and saved the Jews from the Eygptians. My main man Jesus, Son of God.

Jesus is my main man.

63. (Jesus) (248↑, 242↓)
A nice guy who taught love, kindness, tolerance, etc. Sacrificed himself because we're all giant penises. Now people claim to follow his teachings, but just screw them over.

Oh look, there's Jesus over there\! The world's gonna end.

64. (Jesus) (13↑, 10↓)
He was God in a human form. He came to earth to recieve the punishment that everybody else deserved. He did so, and anybody who recieves the sacrifice is a Christian. Many non-Christians hate him because he asks for some submission in return.

Guy:Do you know Jesus? Guy2:I know of Jesus Guy:What do you think of Jesus? Guy2:He was an idiot Guy:Why? Guy2:Because he asks for obedience, just because he died on some tree.

65. (Jesus) (6↑, 4↓)
The 2nd part of the Trinity, was born of the Virgin Mary. He was nailed to the cross and died for our sins. He also preformed many miracles like making the blind see and the dead live. He is fully God and fully man at the same time.

Man 1: Jesus came to save us. Man 2: Amen, bro

Author: Multisport 5.5 http://jesus.urbanup.com/5738271
66. (Jesus) (9↑, 7↓)
A really nice guy.

That Jesus is one nice guy\!

Author: Kyle Michael Jones\!\!\! http://jesus.urbanup.com/4418301
67. (Jesus) (1↑, 1↓)
Jesus of Nazareth was a Jewish theologian who taught (among other things) an exciting and sophisticated view of the afterlife and a somewhat unusual theological perspective that God is love. His social and moral teachings (especially those on women) were quite progressive, and some of his teaching was so heterodox that he was considered a false prophet and a corrupter of the Jewish faith by the Sanhedrin. Most Biblical scholars agree that the one gospel which suggests trinitarianism (the belief that God is three parts yet one- Father, Son and Holy Spirit), the Gospel of John, was the latest of the Gospels. It was heavily influenced by the Gnostics, a branch of early Christianity which has come to gain a bad reputation by most Christian sects, but one which suggested that Jesus was at least in a sense divine. In the other Gospels Jesus is seen as human, though the Son of God, born of a virginal conception. He says nothing about being God himself, about worshiping him, or about changing Jewish laws like kosher and circumcision (being a Jew, Jesus was circumcised and followed kosher law himself), and the notion that Jesus himself founded an official church (much less the Catholic church) is nigh laughable. Jesus was executed in the 1st Century A.D. by the Roman government in Israel. Jesus of Nazareth has been dead for over 2000 years, he's not coming back, and he's definitely not the God who created the world; it's questionable he even claimed that himself.

Jesus: I come to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. Christian: OK guys\! No more Torah, no more kosher law, no more fasting and only one hour of worship a week\! Praise Jesus\!

Author: A Former Christian http://jesus.urbanup.com/6318318
68. (Jesus) (1↑, 1↓)
a boss.

"He's so cool\!" "He's so Jesus\!"

Author: Ursusmaritimus http://jesus.urbanup.com/6095605
69. (Jesus) (3↑, 3↓)
Amazing guy, who I love with everything I have. He's Sexy in everyway possible\! &&Yes, he means everything to me. I love him more than I love Fried Chicken\! :D &Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. Jesus, you're my everything, my entire universe, &&I don't ever wanna lose you. I love you\<3 &&I always will

Jesus is just wow amazing\!

Author: xprettygirlrockx http://jesus.urbanup.com/5736303
70. (Jesus) (6↑, 6↓)
Really, really nice guy, Lots of friends, Long hair, No shoes.

ancient greek: "Hey, look at that homeless guy- he has lots of friends" other ancient greek: "No dude, that's Jesus"

Author: captain kirk----- http://jesus.urbanup.com/5254849
71. (Jesus) (2↑, 2↓)
An established Jesus peep may declare the Jesusness of a person, place, object, idea or situation for the sole purpose of observing the reaction of the potentially Jesus peep. This reaction would serve as confirmatory evidence of the Jesusness or non-Jesusness of the peep. The reaction of a non-Jesus peep could range from a look of bewilderment, to a facepalm, to a look of disgust--or simply walking away from the situation altogether. A Jesus peep would convey understanding of the Jesus-ness of the subject through unhesitant laughter, a high five, hand hug, or the Jesus Nod. In addition to these acknowledgements, the most bitchin' Jesus person would readily offer additional insight that further develops the Jesusness of the Jesus topic. It must also be noted that usage of the term 'Jesus' may serve as an acceptable means of self-promotion. At the appropriate moments, a Jesus person might decide to claim Jesusness--much in the same way a nonJesus person would say, "I'm cool," the main difference being the irrefutability of the Jesusness of the Jesus peep, as opposed to the probable uncoolness of the nonJesus peep. The reason behind this is simple: Jesus is truth, and Jesus peeps only speak truth. Thus, it ain't bitchin' if it ain't Jesus.

Jesus peep: It ain't bitchin' if it ain't Jesus\! Jesus peep: Holy shit, it IS Jesus\!

Author: jesuser than a mofo http://jesus.urbanup.com/5152649
72. (jesus) (40↑, 40↓)
The religious figurehead of christianity; defined as a child of the middle east (who aren't white), usually pictured as a white guy, and for some reason using his name in vain only applies when someone else has more pull in christianity. Possibly Superman

"You know jesus died for your sins\!" "I know. That's why I sin so much. I wouldn't want him to have died in vain\!" "That's blasphemy\!" "Dude, you have been to church a total of 2 times more than me. Tis points sytem sucks\!"

73. (jesus) (413↑, 413↓)
christians saviour. Gods son.

my \#1 homie above everyone else

Author: SMgangsta760 http://jesus.urbanup.com/997192
74. (jesus) (7↑, 8↓)
someone who can't drive

JESUS CHRIST\! LEARN HOW TO DRIVE\!

75. (Jesus) (5↑, 6↓)
A figure of great controversy. The historically proven facts of his life are as follows: 1) He was born in late December approx. 4 B.C. 2) He lived his life preaching loving one another, staying away from corrupt practices, practicing what you preach, etc. 3) The people who didn't want to be told that they were bad, wrong, etc. had the man whipped, beaten, given a thorn crown, made him carry a huge wooden cross just to nail him to it to shut him up. Regardless of religious preference, those statements are only as disputable as any other world history accounts. We can all learn something from Jesus, even ignoring the controversial ideas like the rising again, miracles, etc.

Angry mob: "Yeah\! Let's kill her\! She is an adulterer\! Stone her\!\!" Jesus: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Author: Junatokni6815 http://jesus.urbanup.com/5086571
76. (Jesus) (7↑, 8↓)
sum dude who gets blamed for everything

eg "JESUS, HES GOT A GUN\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!\!" or JESUS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY MUM\!\!\!

77. (Jesus) (8↑, 9↓)
(This definition coming from a Jew) May or may not be the son of God, but still a good guy with a straight message. But his messages were horribly misinterpreted by millions to mean that if you don't believe in him, then you are a sinner and must be attacked until you accept his religion, actually not his religion, his followers religions (Jesus was jewish). Eventually was nailed to a piece of wood and killed by Romans. Apperantly resurrected, (which in present day we celebrate by painting eggs, wtf\!?). And uhh, I don't remember the rest, well that parts not important. Anyway, his message was get along. Christians need to chill with that high and mighty shit.

Jesus: Get along Hitler: Kill Jews? Okay\! Jesus: No you retards\!

Author: 187withmydickinyourmouth http://jesus.urbanup.com/4894517
78. (Jesus) (38↑, 39↓)
The protagonist in the second half of best selling fiction novel [The Bible] written by the award winning author God (a.k.a Boss Mann). During Jesus' journeys, he encountered many challenging tasks, such as turning water into wine, and walking on water. Jesus had to use his cunning and wit to overcome these seemingly impossible tasks. Jesus' life came to a sudden stop when his own people nailed him to a cross. The ending took many God's fans by surprise, as it was unlike him to kill off the main character. God argued that it added emotion to the story. However, the fans were not pleased, so God re-wrote the ending, with Jesus coming back to life to tell everyone it was all gonna be OK. The fans seemed contented. Jesus did not appear in any more of God's hit novels, though in an interview for [Time Magazine], God revealed: "Oh that wasn't the last we'll be seeing of the rebellious rapscallion" *chuckles* Due to some name and copyright claims, the writing credit was taken from God and given to a group of Jews who claimed they knew a guy called Jesus. This was later found out to be a scam, and the four friends heavily altered the chapters. But God merely laughed and said "Why not? It's not like people are going to take the book seriously anyway"

Chapter 17: The Reawakening "Jesus sat up on the rock, feeling a bad bump on his head, and a sharp pain in his wrists and torso. It was dark, and he could feel the damp, heavy air around him. He suddenly remembered everything. He swore loudly, before taking a swig from his hip flask. He considered revenge, but reconsidered. He looked at his Rolex. It was only Saturday. He decided to go back to sleep for a while..."

79. (Jesus) (22↑, 23↓)
Something you say when you hit your thumb with a hammer.

Jesus\!

80. (Jesus) (1↑, 3↓)
The guy on the roofing crew which worked on my next-door neighbor's house last spring. Nobody's been able to confirm that wine-into-water trick I keep hearing about, but I hear he's really good at turning beer into p*ss...

[Jesus] will become Jesus When Hell is full, Zombie [Jesus] will walk the Earth

81. (jesus) (1↑, 3↓)
like the unicorn jesus is fictional but is believed to be real by a large amount of people who also believe that their is a very large invisible man in the sky. He is said to have died on the cross for our sins. Then came back and then died again.

person 1'Hey look a unicorn' person 2'unicorns arent real idiot' Person 1'hey look jesus' person 2'what? where?' person 1' jesus isnt real idiot'

82. (Jesus) (4↑, 6↓)
Jesus was a man. A man like any other. Yes. You see, Jesus, the guy of wisdom (truthtingz) had a dream. Oh he had a dream. That one day, little white children, and little black children would hold hands and dance around Utah in neat packages of international communion beneath the smiling God expressed through the sun. Wait that was Martin Luther. Jesus had a dream. He was born spiritually awake, naturally gifted and automatically above bullshit. No one quite knows how he came about, there are many theories, the one I like the most is that his mother was really lucky, another is that Xenu had a heartattack when he heard a wise man was born, that doesn't affect the birth, but I hope he choked, because he was really mean. Hang on.Oh yeah. Jesus had a dream- that people would love each other, and just let it go. It isn't worth it. He believed that God smiled on all of us, and that we all had something beautiful within that was truly us. When people came to him and said "my boy ain't reppin the ends proper, I gon' cut his ass", he said "don't be mad, if he's mean to you, show him love and be one with God". When people came to him and said "that guy smells like petroleum distillate, should we beat him?" he said "NEIN- we're all equal, what you consider doing unto him should be the same as you would consider doing to someone you revere, this is love".

He healed many people. Lepers, AIDS victims, all manner of people I wouldn't touch out of fear. He was a good man. He believed in Good, he believed God was love, he just wanted us all to get along. We the people, in our infinite wisdom, decided to chuck rocks at him, take his words to justify hatred and war, and eventually wound up nailing him alive to a plank of wood, putting metal in his head, and generally acting with the dignity of a pig joyously rolling in shit. Fuck us. Jesus - "Love your enemy, no evil can be ended by evil". Us- "NO". Jesus - "Forgive, and undo the burden of hatred that only separates us". Us- "NO". Tourettes Guy- "You can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two hour SHIT for all I care". Us- "Smoke weed everyday". Jesus- "Live life with a loving appreciation and kind humility" Us- "You again? Stop trying to help us to be better human beings\!"

83. (Jesus) (5↑, 7↓)
A mischevious [badger].

Contrary to popular belief, Jesus Christ was actually a mischevious badger...

84. (Jesus) (21↑, 23↓)
A generally cool guy who can make a mean apple crumble.

Me: Damn Jesus, this is some tasty shit. You've got to give me yo' recipe\!

Author: Sammy The Giant Mammory Gland http://jesus.urbanup.com/4041528
85. (Jesus) (39↑, 41↓)
The assistant general manager at White Castle.

Hey someone jizzed in my slider\! I want to talk to Jesus\!

86. (jesus) (73↑, 75↓)
a magician that lived 2000 years ago,fooling the less intelligent and weak.He was the chris angel of his time,the only reason why we dont think chris angel is the son of god is because we understand magic and know its fake but 2000 years ago people werent so smart.

Damm jesus you turned my water into wine,how did you do that ?

Author: nothing_but_the_truth http://jesus.urbanup.com/3571973
87. (Jesus) (1↑, 4↓)
A guy I smoked weed with back in college.

Mike: Hey, Jesus\! What's going on, bro? Jesus: Chillin'.

88. (jesus) (4↑, 7↓)
some mistake baby shot out of this ho's cunt and started doing card tricks. everyone thought it was awesome and spread a rumor saying he was magical. then a couple dudes got jealous of him and beat him half to death with baseball bats. that gave [jesus] some brain damage and he started thinking he was the son of god. he started gloating about it so everyone started thinking he was a dick, so they all gathered to torture him. jesus was too crazy to give shit, plus he had 4 strokes and 3/4ths of his body was numb. they thought it would be funny if they made him rot on a cross for awhile so they pounded nails into his limbs. he died slowly. 3 days later a buncha fags went in a cave and saw a dead guy and thought it was jesus so they spread a rumour, and the cult of christianty began\!

Jesus: i can du magic trix dude: nuuh jesus: yeah huh dude: well i can beat you half to death *beats* jesus: lol ima the son of god u no kill me dude: dude stfu jesus: no, im da son of god dude: man, ima fukin kill you *kills* jesus: brb dude: lol nuuh

Author: Anal Penetration By Force http://jesus.urbanup.com/6000464
89. (Jesus) (3↑, 6↓)
The base of the Christian faith....or my landscaper.

Guy 1: Do you like Jesus? Guy 2: I don't believe in God, but my lawn looks great.

90. (jesus) (65↑, 68↓)
Yet another magician who never got laid.

Jesus should have stuck with the carpentry.

Author: SmallLebowski http://jesus.urbanup.com/3723148
91. (Jesus) (1↑, 5↓)
The world's first street magician.

-OMG dude did you see that jesus guy? -Yeah man he does some crazy shit

92. (Jesus) (1↑, 5↓)
The name that people tend to use when they get pissed.

Guy at Krispy Kreme: Hi, I would like one free donut. Here's my coupon. Lady at the register: Let me see that sir. (looks at reciept) Oh yes, this is expired. Sorry sir. Next in line\! Guy: Jesus Christ\!\!\! Jesus Christ(next in line): Wha-at?\!? Guy: Oh, sorry Jesus. I just got pissed. Jesus: Whose name do I say when I'm pissed, huh?\!? Guy: Mine? Jesus: I suppose...but Jesus Christ is so catchy. I'll just say my name. Guy: Tuff enough.

Author: hungrychance14 http://jesus.urbanup.com/5490371
93. (Jesus) (8↑, 12↓)
A handsome, hard-working guy. He has amazing eyes that just with one wink any woman can fall head over heels. His smile may be the best thing in this world. His smile delightfully captivates and mesmerizes. He has a lot of sex appeal and he is modest about it although everyone around him can sense it. He is mysterious leaving people wanting more. Great lover. Great kisser. Not many now him deeply. He is friendly although considers only a few to be real friends. Spend a day with a Jesus and you'll want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Girl: "There is something about him that sends electricity through my veins. I want him." Friend: "What is his name?" Girl: "Jesus"

94. (Jesus) (6↑, 10↓)
a guy who is just alright with me.

Me: jesus is just alright. other person: oh yeahhhhhhhh. me: jesus, hes my friend.

Author: Mississippi moon http://jesus.urbanup.com/4253371
95. (Jesus) (77↑, 81↓)
A nice Jewish boy who decided that being a carpenter just wouldn't be enough.

If only that Jesus boy could have just carried on his father's business instead of stirring up trouble and getting nailed to a cross...

Author: Thank Science It's Friday http://jesus.urbanup.com/2561005
96. (Jesus) (1↑, 6↓)
Star of the fiction work The New Testament. Worshiped by Christians.

Jesus was a guy who lived in the year 0-30

97. (Jesus) (0↑, 5↓)
A fictional character.

I love reading about Yoda, Kermit the Frog, Ewoks and Jesus

Author: scroteymcboogerballs http://jesus.urbanup.com/5851523
98. (Jesus) (1↑, 6↓)
Verb. To have sex with someone more than once. From: Jesus having been nailed more than once.

I can't wait to give her the Jesus

99. (Jesus) (10↑, 15↓)
gods "son", originally it was the sun on the centre of the cross of the zodiac, now the sun has been personified as gods "son", there are entire religions based on missed fact: in the nothern hemisphere on dec 22 the sun gets to its lowest point in the sky directly under the crux constilation or(the cross) for 3 days till the 25th, then it starts to rise higher in the sky forshadowing spring/renewed life of crops, animals, plantlife ect., therefore the "son" died on the cross for 3 days and was resurrected. the twelve decifulls are the 12 months on the mian calender also know as cross of the zodiac. the entire basis of all religion is based on astrological events twisted into human lives and stories. in fact the bible has countless astrological metaphors and imagery which are historically and astrologically acurate. the bible is also one of worst cases of plagerism in human history stealing every story as well as "historical event" from religions coming before christianity. most believers in todays religions are just to narrow minded or brainwashed to realize it or research it in any way. go ahead look it up for yourself or better yet search for and download or watch the movie zeitgeist. it goes much further into the specifics and details then i ever could on here. for religion a force that is supposed to be a good thing and show others how to live and treat each other, it has caused more seperation of people, races and nationallities, not to mention death and war then anything else on the face of this planet. i dont know what god is, or if there even is one, but i guarantee all these religions have got it really wrong. if you beleive in anything other then the golden rule or karma your brainwashed by human ideals.

jesus;gods sun or gods son? how about sungod? lol

Author: The Real True 1 http://jesus.urbanup.com/4049822
100. (Jesus) (15↑, 20↓)
Breakfast of champions.

What'd you have for breakfast today, Billy? I had myself a nice slice of Jesus.

101. (Jesus) (20↑, 25↓)
wasnt he that chick in the da vinci codes great great grand dad?

Tom hanks: You are the last living desendant of jesus christ

102. (Jesus) (18↑, 23↓)
A man who once wanted people to live in peace and harmony, and to love one another. Although, is now being used as a way to bash certain communities of people, mostly (gay) people. The group of people that do the bashing are, (Rednecks) and (Christians).

Get over it, if he wanted you all to fight, Jesus wouldn't of gotten himself killed.

103. (Jesus) (41↑, 46↓)
1. The single most imporant human being in eternity and human history. We even have our calenders dated according to his existance. 2. The Lion of the Tribe of Judah 3. The Rose of Sharon 4. The Bright and Morning Star 5. The Messiah 6. The Son of God and 2nd personality of the Holy Trinity 7. The Prince of Peace 8. The Great Shepard 9. The Lamb of God that takes aways the world's sin. 10.The Rock of Ages His miraculous birth was predicted in the Bible centuries prior. His Virgin Birth in Bethlehem was predicted in Micah 5:2. Try reading it. He was a Jew, born around 3 B.C. during the height of the Roman Empire in a province called Judeah to the Virgin Mary in the village of Bethlehem under King Herrod. A few days after his birth, wisemen came from the East to see the Christ Child and presented him with gifts. A week after his birth, he was given the name Emmanuel and circumsized in the synagouge. Shortly after that, his Earthly Father Joseph took him and his mother Mary to Egypt to escape King Herrod's wrath and homicidal plot aginst Jesus and all newborn children under the age of two. The Bible doesnt give us much information between that time and when he was Baptized by John the Baptist at the age of 30. His birth, death on the cross and resurrection just outside Jerusalem was predicted in the Bible Centuries prior, not just to 100% accurracy, but Jesus himself predicted his own brutal death and resurrection. He rose from the dead and PROVED he was who he claimed to be--the Son of God and that we have hope if we put our faith in him. This proves he is THE way, THE truth and THE life. Jesus is currently up in heaven in his perfected, resurrected body preparing a place for all those who love him. He will return to the Earth to establish his Kingdom and his people will rule and reign with him through all of eternity.

Jesus is the most influencial human being that has ever lived and will ever live. He sits at God the Father's right hand and rules and reigns over the universe that God has entrusted to him.

104. (Jesus) (23↑, 28↓)
A Jewish man with high ideals that came out on the rotten end of the stick. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus never proclaimed himself the "Son of God", and in fact was only seen as a regular mortal until the Council of Nicea in 325, where the Christian Emperor Constantine proclaimed that Jesus was indeed Divine. His name, Jesus Christ is purely fictional as well. Jesus was his name, however the latter "Christ" was not tacked on until much later, "Christ" meaning messiah, and derived from the word Christos. Jesus was part of a religious society that preached love and humility amongst other humans. The Jews, however, were a constant thorn in the Empire's side, and Jesus was seen as a political dissenter, and was sentenced to die so as to make an example to others. A funny note to Jesus' death is that A) Being crucified was nothing special; in fact, mostly anyone that was seen as a political enemy of the Empire was killed in this fashion (so no, Jesus was not special in this), and B) It wasn't actually a cross that he was crucified on, it was a capital "T". The top bar, making it look like a lowercase "t", was only later added by the church. When Jesus was crucified, however, no one seemed to care, and everyone went about their lives. It was only when Jesus' brother James (whom the church denies ever existed) was killed on the steps on the Temple of Solomon that the Jews rose up against the Authoritarian Romans (See: Temple of Solomon; Temple of Herod; Titus). So in truth, no one really knew Jesus existed. He was just another man to all of these people, albeit a demi-prophet. It wasn't until later that the idea of Christianity was adopted, by the so called St. Paul. The problem with Paul's story, however, was that he was a Gentile (non-Jew) in Roman employ, and created the Christian church for purely political and self-serving reasons. Most of what he based the church on is completely fake, and was actually stolen from other religions, i.e.: 1) Mithras, the soldiers' God, was born in a cave to a virgin to free mankind from evil 2) Egyptian theological drawings always used a halo, mostly to represent something to do with divinity and the sun ... and many other things. So in truth, Jesus was just a man that lived, and died. Most christians are completely blinded by their religious dogma to accept this however, and therefore Jesus will always be viewed as the "Son of God"

Jesus was born, lived in a theological-centered society, and was killed. Now he's being used for political purposes, or for greed in most cases.

Author: Matthew Johnston http://jesus.urbanup.com/2184611
105. (Jesus) (96↑, 101↓)
The most amazing person who ever walked on the face of the earth. He died for our sins because the wages of sins is death but the gift of [God] is eternal life.

Little Girl: Dear Jesus, please forgive me for hitting billy with my lunchbox today. Jesus: I forgive you. I already paid for your sins with my perfect blood

106. (Jesus) (2↑, 8↓)
According to many, Jesus may or may not have existed. Yes, there may have been a Jesus of Nazareth that lived around 6 BCE-29 CE yet whether he was the 'son of god' is a debate only historians have yet to verify. I personally am no atheist, i am agnostic, but zeitgeist is right: Jesus is a piscean personification of Horus, the sun god of egypt, alongside dionysis, mithra, krishna, and many more.

They call me jesus, but i am not the historical jesus, just the jesus of this time, not the reincarnation because that would be blasphemy (lol\!)

107. (Jesus) (3↑, 9↓)
A man with a beard and long hair who smokes weed and likes to partay it up in Beaumont\!\!\! He's good with the lady too

Girl 1: omg did u just see Jesus?\!\! Girl 2: dude he's sooo cool

108. (jesus) (10↑, 16↓)
1) the christian's savoir 2) a mexican working at mcdonalds 3) a zombie

1) (said in a black woman voice) "praise ya jesus\!" 2) (said in a mexican voice) "would you like some fries with that?" 3) ughhhhhhhhhh\!

Author: sillygooseberry. http://jesus.urbanup.com/4057679
109. (Jesus) (6↑, 12↓)
Orignally believed to be a [jew], but recent reserch points to him being an undercover agent for [God].

Dillon: Ugh\!\! Your such a Jew\! Kyle: Jesus was a jew. Dillon: No he wasnt. God just wanted a man on the inside.

110. (jesus) (10↑, 16↓)
1.The leader of the christian religion. 2.An exclamation when something surprises you. 3.how to describe something really good.

1. jesus loves you. 2. jesus christ\! that scared me. 3. this juice tastes really good i'll call it jesusjuice. 3. this juice tastes like jesus\!

111. (Jesus) (23↑, 29↓)
The immortal zombie carpenter who, if you ask him nicely through his telepathic powers, will grant your wishes. He is one third of an almighty being who was sent to earth to be killed mercilessly so that said almighty being could forgive us for something he made us do, something which, being almighty, shouldn't have been quite so troublesome in the first place. In addition to asking politely, some believe it is necessary to indulge in cannibalism, eating Jesus' flesh, to be forgiven and go to heaven. Physically, Jesus may have looked similar to Jim Morrison, although many would contend he was in fact black.

Friend: I'm going to go eat some of Jesus and ask him and his father not to send me to eternal damnation for something my great great great etc. grandparents did. Me: Have fun at Mass\!

Author: LordofAllPrepositionalPhrases http://jesus.urbanup.com/3502719
112. (jesus) (39↑, 45↓)
[Jesus], Jesus Their words are so cold Their hearts are so hard and they Speak against Your Name You knew before time that They’d shame and despise You But Your [Love] was somehow So much greater Than Your pain. Jesus I’m so sorry This reproach is my fault My life is not perfect and Somehow they Blame You Words full of hate Their own rejections and mistakes This Love’s so great But they’re afraid to be Exposed. But [freedom] comes not from Hiding But in losing Control. In giving up your soul because [Life] is nothing On your own. I once stood where they stand And wanted no place here I hear these words and wish They could only feel this Love. A Christian isn’t perfect And to claim flawlessness is Senselessness We fight our sin The only good in me you’ll ever see Is Him. Isn’t there a point where believing like a fool Running wild like a child Into this Love Is better Than the fetters that bind you to a Life you believe you control? But deep down you know Your soul is anything but [free] Cause you’ll be empty Til He fills that void.

Christians are not Jesus. Only Jesus is perfect. Only Jesus is enough to satisfy.

113. (Jesus) (9↑, 15↓)
Quite simply He is the [Messiah] referred to by various cultures everywhere. He gave a new message of [mercy] and forgiveness. He had a very hard time selling these ideas. He still does. He performed many [miracle]s in order to glorify [God] and His greatness. He's been given a bad rep by [hypochristian]s, fanatics and other zealots who do [evil] things in His Name. All [religion]s have their fanatics and [Christianity] (the worship of Jesus as the Son of God) is no different. Some [atheist]s claim that Jesus never existed. Maybe some people don't think He is the Son of God, but for someone who doesn't exist He has made a tremendous impact on history and culture. Also, [fairy tale]s generally don't last for over 2000 years. Besides, I'm not a [Buddhist] but there's no doubt that [Siddhartha Gautama Buddha] lived and died over 25 centuries ago.

[Teleevangelist]s give Jesus a very bad name.

114. (Jesus) (3↑, 10↓)
The Chris Angel of his day. He was such a celebrity he had 12 of his bitches write down whatever he did. The National Roman Socialists Party was jelious that he was stealing their popularity so they had him jumped by a bunch of lower-class jews who deny their own faith and hanged on a lowercase T, for Trumph. Jesus' fans got pissed and went on a hungerstrike. Meanwhile Jesus was being a pimp with them islams in caves aranging a blow job and got as high as possible and they all passed out. Jesus woke up 3 days later. He invented the infamous Barry Bonds who helped over throw Rome, later joining Castro. Bonds denied that he participated in a rebellion and genocide in court. Jesus refused interviews and smited those persistent fellers. Jesus is now spending time on the psHome. Bonds is rotting in jail.

Chris Angel- Ive been beaten by Jesus ON THE CHARTS\! Castro-Fuck you, he helped me\!

Author: TheGuyWithTheUmbrella http://jesus.urbanup.com/5142991
115. (Jesus) (7↑, 14↓)
The world's most popular fiction character.

Jesus is the most popular fictional character above edward cullen.

116. (Jesus) (3↑, 10↓)
Christine's heavenly cleavage.

Dude i saw Jesus yesterday. It was awesome\!

Author: Why you wanna know http://jesus.urbanup.com/4993946
117. (Jesus) (5↑, 12↓)
Created man and woman with original sin. Impregnated a woman with himself so that he could be born into the world. Once alive, he killed himself as a sacrifice to his dad, who is also himself. Which also somehow saves YOU from the original sin he created you with if you accept him into your heart. It gets much more confusing than that.

[stupidity] [cult] [jesus]

Author: JadeyVengeance http://jesus.urbanup.com/4219888
118. (Jesus) (8↑, 15↓)
An anti-war pinko and welfare state advocate who lived in ancient Israel.

Uninformed Reactionary Prick: Who is this Heyzeus fella? Sounds like a goddamned commie if ya ask me. Turn the other cheek..... what kinda pinko made up that bullshit? URP \#2: I ain't givin my hard earned money to them lazy poor people. What kinda bleeding-heart tree-humper came up with that idea? Jesus? Where'd ya here that from? The bible? Your pullin my leg.

Author: unpigeonholeable http://jesus.urbanup.com/4130662
119. (Jesus) (20↑, 27↓)
A jewish zombie, who was crucified and brought back from the dead. His fanclub is quite big, they kill trees and stick up fairies on his birthday.

[christian] [Jesus]

120. (jesus) (10↑, 17↓)
was some jew who got killed by other jews for speaking blasphemy. he then was reincarnated as a man name Adolf hitler and killed 6 million jews to get back at them for what they did to him in the past life.

kid: hey who is jesus? kid2: oh some guy who was killed by jews 2000 years ago because he was trying to spread peace. he then was reincarnated as adolf hitler and killed 6 million jews to get at them back. kid: oh.... heh looks like he got the last laugh. kid2:Yep.

121. (jesus) (36↑, 43↓)
The Savior of Mankind, who died on the cross for our sins... AFTER he had spun a saga so great that it would become the greatest legend ever told. Jesus was born Jesse Howard Hayes on October 24th, 1968, in the small town of Gas City, Indiana, near the I69 Speedway. At a young age he discovered he had powers far beyond those of mortal men, in a schoolyard scrap with his arch enemy at the time, Little Willy Crudder. Crudder was vaporized after a short scuffle, and Jesse was sent to live with his Aunt Martha and Uncle Jonathan Kent on their farm. After several years there in obscurity, his uncle has a heart attack, and Jesse hears a psychic call telling him to travel to the north, far beyond the arctic circle to discover his origins. He finds a giant iceberg and a crystal, and it builds a Fortress of Solitude for him where he gets a message from his father, who happens to be the god of the Christians (no, not Tony Alamo). The Christian god, whose name is not known because speaking it would bind his power to the speaker, tells Jesse that he needs to travel through time to stop the Romans from continuing their lifestyle of awesome orgies and wine tasting. Jesse says he will do it, and changes his name to Jesus before he steps into the time warp. Jesus travels back to the year 2 BC, appearing naked in a deserted alley. His first encounter with the ancient people was shocking to him. Near a tavern, he entered wearing absolutely nothing, his muscles rippling with untold power. He could understand their speech, but the Romans didn’t seem to think he should be allowed to enter their tavern naked. The closest Roman who was smoking a cigar, burned the head of the cigar on Jesus’s left pectoral muscle. Without flinching, Jesus bent the man’s hand back just as another Roman broke a pool cue over Jesus’s head. Jesus grabbed the other man and threw him across the room, and made the first Roman give his clothes to Jesus. Jesus left the tavern with the keys to the first Roman’s horse. Jesus formed an alliance of twelve warriors, ready to take on the threat of the Roman army. He was chased by the evil Roman general, Spartacus, across the Rubicon, and was finally forced into battle in 1 BC, before the banks of what is today called the Po River, just north of the town of Ferrara. Ferrara was later named after Jesus’s number one warrior who fell that day. As the day dawned, Spartacus and his evil army had assembled for battle, against Jesus and his twelve Servus Fati (Servants of Fate). The Servants of Fate called forth a phantom battalion to fight for Jesus, many dead warriors that had forsaken their oaths to fight against the Dark Lord in ages past. Their new allegiance to Jesus would break the curse of undying that held them to a miserable unlife, forever doomed to walk the Earth until their oaths could be fulfilled. Jesus sent up a war cry that shook the heavens, and battle was joined. Spartacus unleashed his elite Cobra Warriors, trained in the pits of hell in hand to hand combat and desert survival, and at first it seemed the phantom warriors would be overcome by the Cobra army. Spartacus made his way to the front of the battle, where fighting was thickest, and struck down many of the Servants of Fate. First he became locked in mortal combat with Ferrari, and slew him after a prolonged struggle. Shocked by losing their mightiest warrior, the three closest Servants of Fate, Moses, Abraham, and Mike Ditka charged Spartacus, and were all slain on the spot. Far to the left flank, Jesus felt the losses at the instant they happened. Channeling the souls of his dearest fallen friends, he summoned a mighty unicorn, and mounted atop it, crying “Elendil\!” Spartacus, hearing the cry and seeing the Servants of Fate flock to the mighty warrior atop the unicorn, took his elite cadre of Cobra warriors and charged. Like a mighty wave crashing against a solid cliff, he was at first thrown back, but the power of Spartacus’s One Ring was too great. He charged again and again, breaking the line of phantom warriors who opposed him, tossing them aside in scores by the swings of his mighty weapon, Grond, the Hammer of the Underworld. Jesus then called out his name, shouting "Spartacus\! Spartacus\!" Knowing full well the rules of the demon code and having to answer a challenge for single combat, Spartacus charged Jesus intent on slaying the man-god. Jesus called on his father god to give him a blade, and it appeared in his hand, the Sword of a Thousand Truths. Sparks flew as each warrior struck at the other like some crazy anime flick. Finally Jesus landed a mortal strike, sundering Spartacus’s arm from his body. The evil general’s flesh burned black with truth as the purity of Jesus’s blade struck him. He fell, and a great chasm opened up and swallowed many Cobra warriors. The battle was over, and the remaining Servants of Fate, Gandalf, Pippin, Judas, Mary, Voltron, Arthur, Hitler, and Chuck Norris were charged with clearing the field. They marched on Rome in 0 BC, and the cult of Christianity was created to worship the man-god, Jesus “Hell’s bane” Christ (he is called Jesus H. Christ to this day). Soon after Jesus broke the power of Spartacus, the Roman civilization crumbled, and Jesus disappeared. No one knows where this truly epic warrior went. Some say heaven, some say hell to continue the battle, and some say another universe. We are lucky to have had him on our side, however, and the remnants of the Battle for the Po River in 1 BC can be seen today. At least one of his Servants of Fate live still to this day, and the mystery and epicness of Jesus gives meaning to human life, for his struggle signified the essence of the human spirit: Never give up, and never surrender.

Example: Jesus is, in a word, epic. In two words... freakin' epic.

Author: Pr0Gamerz-Predator:Ahnold\!\!1\! http://jesus.urbanup.com/3373746
122. (Jesus) (9↑, 16↓)
Adj. Describing an object or action with greatness, or better than other things of that nature.

1. Hey Aaron, this hamburger is like jesus-in-a-box 2. Hey Paul, can I come over and play on your jesus computer?

123. (jesus) (71↑, 78↓)
Someone who you can casually bring into conversations to cause bewilderment among your peers. Someone who also seems to do things wrong.

Person 1: I'm going shopping, what do you need? Person 2: Biscuits. Person 1: We've still got some haven't we? Person 2: Nah. Jesus ate them all. Upon seeing the mess on the floor Person 3 exclaimed 'Jesus Christ\!'

Author: Who d'ya think\! http://jesus.urbanup.com/2472691
124. (Jesus) (42↑, 49↓)
Son of God, man above all men, Messiah of the world, Savior of all races, the Verb, God himself in form of man. Many things can be used to identify Jesus. He was no fictional character as most of you might suggest, but he walked this very Earth, spreading the word of God and his teachings. He was the only perfect man to walk on Earth and never sinned. He was even tempted by the Devil himself, and did not say a sinful word. He did miracles, healed the sick, and freed demon-possessed men and women. Because of the sin in the world, he was sent by God himself to be born as a child, live in this Earth, die on the cross (worse death ever given to the crimianals of his time) and save all humans from the curse called sin. But he did not reamin dead. He rose from the dead in the third day. He is now seated at the right-hand of God and wants to free us all. He loves you, understands you, and died for you, you being a Jew or gentile. He will be coming back shortly, I do not know when, but surely shortly. He will take his people up with him when that time comes. As much as he might seem fictional, he is real. You believing it or not, the truth will not change, and it never shall. I believe. What about you?

His own defintion of himself: Jesus answered, "You are right in saying I am a king. In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me." -John 18:37

125. (Jesus) (2↑, 10↓)
Jesus was born of a slut mother. The year was 0 Bc, mary and joseph were having problems with money and were about to be evicted from the summer loft by their dick land lord, Richard Cheney. Before Jesus was born they decided to move to bethlaham and rent a stable for the night. Jesus was born with his natural enemy being Super-Satan who rode on a flying motorcycle carrying a jar of marmalade which made you commit adultery. Jesus grew up and by -22Bc. Jesus joined the us army and fought in vietnam. he lost both legs six fingers and gave a rib to eden. He did a lot of drugs there so he had delusins that he was the son of god and followed bybums all accros modern manhatten. Eventually all the doctor jews got together and made jesus a criminal by saying his phsycodelic treatments where against the law. Jesus was found bumming for cigarrettes in jersey and was set to be hung from an old oak in league city texas. the words above jesus' head read "King of 281"

Jesus, Stop the malpractise.

126. (Jesus) (0↑, 8↓)
1. Unequivocally bitchin'. Used where awesome, cool, sweet, dope, bangin' and monkey slappin' fail--a term so Jesus it fails to describe itself. i.e. "That party was so Jesus\!" "This guacamole is Jesuser than a motherfucker\!" And the ever popular, "It ain't bitchin' if it ain't Jesus\!" 2. Truth beyond truth. (Note that this usage of the term carries mystical powers, as it may be used to catalyze the transformation of previous nontruths into truths truer than other truths. It is not uncommon for a Jesus person to Jes-ify something previously nonJesus simply by using the word Jesus to describe it.) Usage of the term 'Jesus' is highly useful to a Jesus peep. It is through this usage that a Jesus peep is able to simultaneously assert and assess the jesus-ness of him or herself and other, potentially Jesus people.

nonJesus peep: My chips and dip are so bitchin'\! Jesus peep: My chips and dip are Jesus. Jesus peep: Hitler is Jesus. nonJesus peep: How is Hitler Jesus? They are two completely different people. Plus, Hitler is directly responsible for the Holocaust and death of six million Jews, not to mention at least three million non Jews. Jesus peep: Your face is Jesus. nonJesus peep: How is my face Jesus? I was going to get a sub from blimpie today and I got bored and made eye contact with a baby and the baby started crying and I'm almost positive it was because of my face. Also, the young woman behind the counter didn't put extra jalapenos on my sub and I'm sure it's because of my face. Then I ate my sub and asked the young girl to prom and she said no because of my face and I'm sure it's because of my face\! Jesus peep: This mirror is Jesus. nonJesus peep: Thank you so much\! My face Jesuser than a motherfucker now\!

Author: jesuser than a mofo http://jesus.urbanup.com/5152636
127. (Jesus) (2↑, 10↓)
1.) "And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, the Earth was unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass, and so the idea was lost, seemingly for ever. This is not her story" -The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy 2.) The person how some people believe existed and was a prophet/demigod. People now run around and kill things because of it for no good reason.

1.) The year 1984 (years after that guy Jesus kicked the bucket) 2.) "In the name of the Lord I will now run my sword though you in an extremly painful way\!\!\!"

128. (Jesus) (8↑, 16↓)
The world's most famous zombie.

Jesus supposedly died and came back to life three days later. What a zombie.

129. (Jesus) (6↑, 14↓)
God's baby. He was the first baby ever born. God thought he would change the rules a little and instead of Mary, his wife having the baby come out of her vagina, he wanted to be the only man to have a baby come out of their penis. Jesus came from God's penis, and so he grew up to have a vagina. He was demented and round like a hot dog. Kids at school picked on Jesus and called him Jesus the Penis. Jesus went on for about 33 years of his life being made fun of and all God could do is say "Make them sorry, Jesus. Make them remember you." And so one day Jesus got overly depressed, found a Pot Leaf and smoked it with a magical pot bowl. He became high, and decided to build a cross, hang himself up on it, and forced his father to nail him to it. Jesus said he was sacrificing himself for others, but he really wanted people to feel bad for him. He is still remembered to this day, and this is the only proof found of him.

"Jesus died for us" "Jesus died for PITY"

130. (jesus) (1↑, 9↓)
adj. Describing something REALLY awesome, like the namesake. If using the word is contrary to your religious beliefs, it is acceptable to use the Spanish pronunciation: "hay-soose."

"The Harry Potter series is so jesus." "Barack Obama is so jesus." "My hair is so jesus today."

131. (Jesus) (3↑, 11↓)
A man that lived 2000 years ago who was either one of three things 1) The messiah, Lord Jesus Christ, the son of God who made the earth and performs miracles. 2) A crazy guy that claimed he was the messiah. 3) A man who pulled off the biggest hoax in worlds history, for he has influenced so many people of the world to believe in him and to live a good life.

Dude: "Dude Jesus is a beast at being God". Other Dude: Na i think he was actually just a crazy raging alcholic.

Author: Soon to be a pastor http://jesus.urbanup.com/4330755
132. (Jesus) (6↑, 14↓)
He is not our savior, he's just a guy with a dirty shirt who tries to sell you tamales in the Walmart parking lot. And when you say no, he offers to fix the dent in your car, or install drywall in your basement.

AKA Haysuse. Hola, I Jesus. Jew want tamales? No tamale....... Me do drywall work forjew. Me fix that dent forjew. Me need deniro por new chuse.

133. (Jesus) (3↑, 11↓)
Some guy who everyone thinks was cool who was apparently the messiah and could do voodoo. We all know Ras' Tafari is the messiah\! jesus christ you idiots\!\!\!

hey lets go pray to JESUS and then make fun of minorities\!\!\!

Author: Jon is beasto http://jesus.urbanup.com/4172218
134. (Jesus) (8↑, 16↓)
If you don't know who Jesus is you're retarded

Bob: "Praise Jesus\!" Joe: "Who's that?" Bob: "My [mexican] friend who saved my flowers from weeds\!" Joe: "How extrordinary\!"

135. (jesus) (2↑, 10↓)
The basketballer who takes all the game winning shots.

Ray Allen goes for the 3 and he got it. He has done that so many times, he is Jesus.

136. (Jesus) (16↑, 24↓)
1.) Word used for showing people that they have done wrong. 2.) Also used for yelling at yourself for doing something wrong

1.)"Jesus kid look what you did now\!" 2.) Jesus my wife is going to be pissed off to know that I fornicated the neighbors wife.

Author: justforthelulz http://jesus.urbanup.com/3701225
137. (Jesus) (15↑, 23↓)
Greek name for a guy who was killed by the Romans, but, unlike all the others in such situation, thought he was doing mankind a favour (or so says modern paedophilic priests). His biography is featured in the Bible, the best-selling book of all time, bought specially by people who couldn't read, and, when written only in Latin, by people who didn't speak Latin. Often used as a curse word in silly situations.

"Jesus, what the hell is that?\!"

138. (Jesus) (16↑, 24↓)
The Son of God. The first born of creation. The Lion of the Tribe of Judah. The Bright and Morning Star. The Great Shepard. The Fairest of Ten Thousand. The Rose of Sharon. The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. The physical incarnation of the eternal God on the Earth and the eventual judge of all mankind. The physical Jesus was an early first century Jew born to the Virgin Mary, in Bethlehem, in the province of Judea, under the Roman Empire and Caesar Augustus. His virgin birth in Bethlehem was predicted centuries prior in several areas of the Bible, primarily in Micah 5:2. Read it. It is VERY interesting. Shortly after his birth, an angel warned his Earthly Father Joseph to take Mary and Jesus to Egypt to esacpe the murderous plot by King Harrod to destroy all male children under the age of two in the hopes of killing the Messiah child. Not much is given in scripture between this period and when Jesus was an adult, except that at the age of 13, Jesus was found by his parents teaching to the scribes and Rabiis. It is believed that Jesus was a carpenter's apprentice under his father but we dont know for sure. Jesus began his Earthly ministry at the age of thirty by his baptism from his cousin, John the Baptist. His numerous miracles recorded in scripture were acts of love to demonstrate God's love, care and compassion for the formerly helpless human race. Jesus was executed by Rome, on a cross, outside Jerusalem, at the age of thirty-three. Rome could not kill him (only for three days). The grave could not hold him. And the cynics could not contain him. He rose again to prove that he was the Messiah sent by the God of the Universe, his Father, to take away the sins of the world. HE will return again and establish his everlasting kingdom on planet Earth. His enemies will be destroyed forever at that point.

Jesus was the 2nd person of the eternal God that spoke the heavens into existance, and later, humbled himself to come to the earth as a baby, born in a manger to a peasant girl, to fulfill his Father's will of saving our helpless human race and give us hope.

139. (jesus) (150↑, 158↓)
Son of God who died to save mankind from their sins. rose again and ascended to heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

Jesus is my homeboy.

140. (jesus) (179↑, 187↓)
God's Son who died for all, even the people who have posted all of the sacreligious words above.

For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

141. (jesus) (2↑, 11↓)
The world's greatest ever conman. [Jesus] was the conman every conman since has tried to be. His skills were thousands of years ahead of his time which is how he was so convincing. His incredible cons have managed to convince over 1 billion people that he was, in fact, the son of [God].

[Jesus] turns water into wine. Everyone is amazed. What they didn't realise is that they were so drunk already that they didn't remember seeing him switch the barrels. [Jesus] wakes the dead. Everyone is amazed. No-one saw when he slipped the guy who "died" twenty pieces of silver to fake his own death and then "awaken". Miracles, my [ass]

142. (Jesus) (7↑, 16↓)
1. A mythological peasant supposedly born to a deity father and a "virgin" mother who cheated on her fiancé with this deity, raised by this "virgin" and a carpenter, found out he was his own father [and a deity's son] at the age of 12, and lived a pretty much normal life until he was 30 years old. Became a magical teacher of morals (and simultaneously promoted some immoral aspects), did magical acts such as raise people from the dead, cure them magically, died on a cross for nothing he had done wrong, and became a zombie that appeared as if nothing ever happened. 2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't. 3. A recycled myth.

1. Jesus Christ doesn't exist. 2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth. 3. Jesus is a recycled myth\!\!\!

Author: Kiss My Ass, Religion http://jesus.urbanup.com/5033063
143. (Jesus) (3↑, 12↓)
An imaginary superhero for people with no fucking hobby.

Jesus loves you\!

144. (Jesus) (5↑, 14↓)
A schizophrenic person who lived a long time ago with followers who were also schizophrenic

"I am Jesus the Son of God\!"

145. (Jesus) (2↑, 11↓)
God's human form other than Chuck Norris, Jesus is the ultimate Zombie killing machine.

The Holy Trinity: The Father, Chuck Norris, The Holy Ghost, and Jesus

Author: Vanshroomcloud http://jesus.urbanup.com/4256290
146. (Jesus) (18↑, 27↓)
A fictional character such as Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny.

The Nativity Story (the birth of Jesus) is a children's book, just like "How The Grinch Stole Christmas".

147. (jesus) (24↑, 33↓)
a magician that lived 2000 years ago,fooling the less intelligent and weak.He was the chris angel of his time,the only reason why we dont think chris angel is the son of god is because we understand magic and know its fake but 2000 years ago people werent so smart.

Damm jesus you turned my water into wine,how did you do that ?

Author: nothing_but_the_truth http://jesus.urbanup.com/3571965
148. (Jesus) (5↑, 14↓)
an adjective meaning awesome or good

Doode, those shades are so Jesus\!

Author: alskdhghricne http://jesus.urbanup.com/3379439
149. (Jesus) (13↑, 22↓)
1. The only man more powerful than Batman, Jesus chose to spend his time on Earth trying to convince people to be nice to eachother. After thirty or so years of this, the Roman emperor and some of his buddies got sick of him and nailed him to the cross. Ergo, the second definition: 2. The answer to the question "why me?"

The guy in that WhatIf commercial who dropped his air conditioner on his car: Why me? God: Jesus, bitch. Guy with AIDS: Why me? God: Jesus. Obviously. Luke: No. No. That's not true\! That's impossible\! God: You people shouldn'ta fucked with Jesus.

Author: The Anonymouse http://jesus.urbanup.com/3298287
150. (Jesus) (17↑, 26↓)
A dead man. contrary to popular belief, is not a mythical creature/god, and had no magical powers.

Jesus is dead.

Author: Christ Denier http://jesus.urbanup.com/3243476
151. (Jesus) (5↑, 14↓)
A manifestation in literature of the lessons taught by a people in which admiration was given to a pleasant and ethical social presence. Similar to Aesop's Fables, which was a collection of moral stories in Greek times.

"If you have money, don't lend it at interest. Give it to someone who won't be able to return it." - Jesus "Treat others the way you would like them to treat you." - Jesus

152. (Jesus) (13↑, 22↓)
1. - Jewish guy who lived over 1000 years ago. Found the religions of [Christianity]. Also known as [Jeebus]. 2. - Interjection, expressing shock, serious aggravation, grief or other extremely unpleasant emotion. 3. - Hispanic male name.

Man A - Jesus died for your sins. Man B - [wut]. Man A - My right hand got sawed off with a lawnmower. Man B - Jesus\! Man A - Como estas usted, Jesus?

153. (Jesus) (47↑, 56↓)
Probably was a really top bloke who lived 2000 years ago. On the level, talked sense, encouraged everyone just to get along with each other. Murdered by the authorities who saw him as a threat. Now worshipped as the son of God. Closest modern day comparisons would be John Lennon or Martin Luther King (both also murdered).

"Jesus was a black man No Jesus was Batman" Shaun Ryder - 1995

154. (Jesus) (11↑, 20↓)
A Jewish man with high ideals that came out on the rotten end of the stick. Contrary to popular belief, Jesus never proclaimed himself the "Son of God", and in fact was only seen as a regular mortal until the Council of Nicea in 325, where the Christian Emperor Constantine proclaimed that Jesus was indeed Divine. His name, Jesus Christ is purely fictional as well. Jesus was his name, however the latter "Christ" was not tacked on until much later, "Christ" meaning messiah, and derived from the word Christos. Jesus was part of a religious society that preached love and humility amongst other humans. The Jews, however, were a constant thorn in the Empire's side, and Jesus was seen as a political dissenter, and was sentenced to die so as to make an example to others. A funny note to Jesus' death is that A) Being crucified was nothing special; in fact, mostly anyone that was seen as a political enemy of the Empire was killed in this fashion (so no, Jesus was not special in this), and B) It wasn't actually a cross that he was crucified on, it was a capital "T". The top bar, making it look like a lowercase "t", was only later added by the church. When Jesus was crucified, however, no one seemed to care, and everyone went about their lives. It was only when Jesus' brother James (whom the church denies ever existed)was killed on the steps on the Temple of Solomon that the Jews rose up against the Authoritarian Romans (See: Temple of Solomon; Temple of Herod; Titus). So in truth, no one really knew Jesus existed. He was just another man to all of these people, albeit a demi-prophet. It wasn't until later that the idea of Christianity was adopted, by the so called St. Paul. The problem with Paul's story, however, was that he was a Gentile (non-Jew) in Roman employ, and created the Christian church for purely political and self-serving reasons. Most of what he based the church on it completely fake, and was actually stolen from other religions, i.e.: 1) Mithras, the soldiers' God, was born in a cave to a virgin to free mankind from evil 2) Egyptian theological drawings always used a halo, mostly to represent something to do with divinity and the sun ... and many other things. So in truth, Jesus was just a man that lived, and died. Most christians are completely blinded by their religious dogma to accept this however, and therefore Jesus will always be viewed as the "Son of God"

Jesus was born, lived in a theological-centered society, and was killed. Now he's being used for political purposes, or for greed in most cases.

Author: Matthew Johnston http://jesus.urbanup.com/2182904
155. (jesus) (3↑, 13↓)
an imaginary friend you have till you reach maturity. understandibly a large majority of the worlds population have not reached that stage in development. the are called "christians"'. they ban condoms, condem homosexuals and hang blacks. otherwise they are a reasonable sort. btw... he was a carpenter that lived with his mother, who was a virgin... yeah... hes cool.

little girl -"mommy... whens jesus coming back...?" communist mother- "ahh those dirty capitalist regimes..."

156. (Jesus) (5↑, 15↓)
Main character in Son-O-God comics. Worlds first Ophthalmologist/Orthopedist. Suspected communist.

Q. Why did Jesus cross the road? A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.

157. (Jesus) (5↑, 15↓)
the man, died for our sins and stuff, great at videogames, gives great advice, and all around just a good friend\! His name may in fact be Sam, and he doesn't actually love everyone, but he's still awesome\!

person 1: dude, that kid owned us\! person 2: yeah, he must have been Jesus person 1: or Sam person 3: same thing person 1: hey, that random guy just gave my great advice on my love life\! person 2: yeah, it was definitely Jesus. person 1: he said his name was Sam\! person 2: yeah, he's Jesus

Author: we'll rise up in 2012\! (david) http://jesus.urbanup.com/3959229
158. (Jesus) (6↑, 16↓)
Most likely one if the biggest badasses in human/spiritual history. Grade A pimp. Reasons: 1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower. 2. His dad was god...enough said. 3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers. 4. Walked on water before Chris Angel. 5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.

O man that guy that sells coke is just like Jesus\!

159. (jesus) (2↑, 12↓)
a.) a stoner, who is neither black, white, or asian, but all three. b.) caroline.

girl: omfg, i hate her. guy: stfu, it's jesus. roll her joint, you slut. girl: FINE.

160. (jesus) (7↑, 17↓)
Worlds greatest con artist

Jesus: "I can walk on water, honest..."

161. (Jesus) (3↑, 13↓)
to be the ultimate master at an activity you are participating in, or to be the ultimate victor in any type of game or skill competition

holy shit, you whooped my ass your freaking Jesus man your the greatest graffiti artist ever let your name be known, Jesus

Author: JesusintheurbanCanada http://jesus.urbanup.com/3799498
162. (jesus) (13↑, 23↓)
1. Protagonist in the fictional book known as the holy bible. 2. Also a swear word.

"Jesus H Particular Christ\!" "Jesus Christ on a bicycle." "Jesus isn't real."

163. (Jesus) (8↑, 18↓)
an adjective used to describe any thing amazing, i.e. taste, smell, sight, etc.

Dude, this hamburger is like Jesus on my tongue. Individual 1: You're awesome Individual 2: I know, i'm basically Jesus

Author: bensonisjesus http://jesus.urbanup.com/3472850
164. (Jesus) (9↑, 19↓)
Jesus, a man, who was really alive despite popular belief, you know he was as much alive as you are today it is a historical fact. He was also nailed to a cross which is also a historical fact and Christian's believe to be the personal Lord and Saviour of the world.

Jesus, please come into my heart. Are you there? Over? Can you knock three times on my pancreas if you made it in? Over?

165. (jesus) (93↑, 103↓)
The biggest Fascist of them all. Believe, or spend an eternity in a fiery concentration camp.

Jesus was the coolest man alive, nah mean?

Author: elton kingsley http://jesus.urbanup.com/2920995
166. (jesus) (69↑, 79↓)
Some made up character in a book that was written by ordinary people thousands of years ago...and then re written for some reason some time later. His existence has never bee proven. See also [joke], [imaginary], [athiesm].

guy : i think i saw bigfoot in my backyard me : bigfoot doesnt exist you [dickshitter]. hes a made up story guy : you mean like that jesus guy? me : word

167. (Jesus) (4↑, 14↓)
Jesus is an adjactive that is used to say that something is so good/so cool/so big and so on. basicly it can be used the same way as [uber] but it as at a level higher than uber.

the +2 sword of uberness is the jesus weapon\! after i get my new monster truck I'll be like jesus on the streets\!

Author: Smoke Destructer http://jesus.urbanup.com/2438903
168. (jesus) (16↑, 26↓)
A guy some prick made up in order to make a few dollars. If he really did exist he propably was a schizophrenic man. The bible is also full of contradictions. Example- Jesus loves everyone, but hates gays. Religion has also caused more bad then good, with all the wars and stuff. Also jesus is one of the reasons For George W. Bush.

Jesus has buttfucked the world economically, politicly, and emotionally.

169. (Jesus) (1↑, 12↓)
A Jew. (this is for all Christians who believe that being mean to Jews is cool and it has to do with Christ) Jesus was born by a harlot in the year 7 a.d. he was born a jew, he died a jew. he was killed by ROMANS (not other Jews). Also, the Roman emperor burned him on the cross while eating dinner, so he was not taken off.

"Jesus died a Jew"

Author: Fred Johnson 3 http://jesus.urbanup.com/4045641
170. (jesus) (23↑, 34↓)
a magician that lived 2000 years ago,fooling the less intelligent and weak.He was the chris angel of his time,the only reason why we dont think chris angel is the son of god is because we understand magic and know its fake but 2000 years ago people werent so smart.

Damm jesus you turned my water into wine,how did you do that ?

Author: nothing_but_the_truth http://jesus.urbanup.com/3571959
171. (Jesus) (21↑, 32↓)
A man who, like Selena, was a good and talented person who unfortunately has a crappy fan club.

"Jesus is just all right with me."-Doobie Brothers

172. (Jesus) (5↑, 17↓)
1.me; your heavenly savior. 2.pronounced HAY-SOOS in the sanish language 3.jewish people do not believe i am their savior. however i was jewish

i am your savior; the lord-JESUS CHRIST\!

Author: Nicole, your savior http://jesus.urbanup.com/3240049
173. (jesus) (13↑, 25↓)
Jehovah God's first creation, thus "only begotten son," who served as a master worker during the creation of the universe. To compensate for the sin of Adam and Eve, Jehovah sent Jesus to earth to sacrifice his life. This is the greatest act of love ever known and was prophesied about in the Bible. As a man on earth, Jesus taught his followers that Jehovah will use the "Kingdom of God" to restore man to perfection and planet earth to paradise. To demonstrate that he had God-given authority, Jesus performed many miracles. After Jesus exposed the religious leaders as being false, they brought him into a mock trial on trumped-up charges and had him executed. Three days later Jehovah raised Jesus up. Jesus continues to be the key figure in Jehovah's channel of communication to mankind. Jesus has promised mankind, in the Bible, that he will remove the people who reject his Kingdom message. In the Bible this is known as Armaggedeon. Jesus will use the survivors of Armageddeon in restoring earth and mankind back to its original condition.

Jesus' Kingdom message is being preached today in all the inhabited earth.

174. (Jesus) (38↑, 50↓)
According to Christianity, God's son and the saviour of the world who will come again to judge the living and the dead (CORRECT). According to the Jews, a heretic who comited blasphmy (some Jews and Muslims see him as a major profit). Acording to athiest, some guy (WRONG). According to evangelicals, a way to guilt impresionable idiots into giving them money.

Even if you don't think Jesus is God's son and all, at least accept that he was a pretty cool guy with good ideas on how to live.

Author: northendwhitetrash http://jesus.urbanup.com/2484082
175. (Jesus) (4↑, 17↓)
World's Greatest Con-Man

Jesus, Look at all his lies(who can walk on water) pfft.

176. (Jesus) (8↑, 21↓)
Some mexican douche

Jose: Hola Jesus\! Jesus: Chupa mi pito\!

177. (jesus) (19↑, 32↓)
a magician that lived 2000 years ago,fooling the less intelligent and weak.He was the chris angel of his time,the only reason why we dont think chris angel is the son of god is because we understand magic and know its fake but 2000 years ago people werent so smart.

Damm jesus you turned my water into wine,how did you do that ?

Author: nothing_but_the_truth http://jesus.urbanup.com/3568858
178. (Jesus) (3↑, 16↓)
Jesus (noun) is a Messiah like figure in Christianity and other religions. In popular culture, he can be either a zombie, a raptor, or a Jew. The plural for more than one Jesus is Jesii.

'Jesus will save you\!' 'No...Jesii will save you\!'

179. (Jesus) (24↑, 37↓)
A white American who was born in the Jewish middle east about two thousand years ago when dinosaurs were still walking around the earth because God made the earth in seven days. He was devoutly Republican, and a great friend of Ronald Reagon and George Bush Senior. He enjoyed golfing, the Stock Market, and the occasional damning of a democrat. He resembled Chuck Norris in such a way that many asked for "his autograph," to be terribly disappointed when he signed it, "Christ."

Q: What would Jesus do? A: Invade, all the way George. He's practically screaming it.

Author: JBEandfriends http://jesus.urbanup.com/2809916
180. (Jesus) (88↑, 101↓)
1) N. A mythical creature invented to control the weak. See, boogie man. 2) E. Something you scream when you hit your thumb with a hammer. 3) A hispanic man.

Jesus H. Christ\! Jesus stole Jesus' donation box\!

Author: ArtieLange'sRottenLiver http://jesus.urbanup.com/2678346
181. (jesus) (15↑, 28↓)
A man who, according to a somewhat-popular book known as the [Bible], was the son of God. [Jews] and [atheists] do not acknowledge his existence, but then, neither reads a Bible. Anyway, it is said that Jesus died for us, the worthless humans we are, and rose three days later to prove his holiness. Some nonbelievers claim he hung out in his little cave eating beef jerkey he hid up his ass. But you don't need to believe either.

There was only one man who expected from us such a perfect balance that we could live by the law and still forgive the deviation. So, of course, we killed him. -Orson Scott Card on "Jesus"

182. (Jesus) (1↑, 15↓)
1) Savior of fallen man, light of the world. See [Christianity] 2) Chuck Norris Interchangable with Dave Fox

1: Thank Jesus\! 2: Did you see Walker, Texas Ranger last night?\! That guy is Jesus 3: O-at-ka wouldn't be the same without Jesus

183. (Jesus) (9↑, 23↓)
One of the latest in a long line of deities based on the movements of the sun during the winter solstice.

Jesus is a made up guy\!

184. (jesus) (28↑, 42↓)
The Way to GOD. No man comes to the Father but by Me. If you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him. You will experience a supernatural spiritual transformation called being "born again." The World and Organised Church ridicules this experience because they have never had it happen to them and they never will. If you are willing to lose your life in this world so that you may find Eternal Life( ZOE, the Divine nature), and if you are willing to die to your self so that CHRIST may live through you, then you should begin to seek first the Kingdom of GOD (righteousness, peace, and joy in the HOLY SPIRIT), for it shall be added unto you. Salvation (being translated out of this fallen state of being we find ourselves in in this fallen World) isn't just saying "the majic phrase that pays" and then you get "your eternal fire insurance policy." That is the deception the Organised Church has deceived well meaning Christians with, that if you just repeat after me then you're saved. They take one scripture out of context and forget what the rest of the scriptures say to their own eternal damnation. The quintessential knowledge of the way to GOD is that He resists the proud, arrogant, self sufficient and that He richly gives His grace, love, mercy to those who humble themselves and admit how much they really need Him. Take the red pill and experience the Truth for yourself or take the blue pill and keep living the Lie. The choice is freely given to you by GOD. Jesus said: " I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep and am known of mine." All these words I've written are from the Holy Bible. Check it out for yourself\!

Jesus was the example of who GOD is. Greater love hath no man than a man that lays down his life for his friends.

185. (Jesus) (5↑, 20↓)
My Mexican buddy from NB that i used to get really shit faced with, back in the day. Together we founded the Unholy Alliance.

Hey Jesus lets go get wasted. And Jesus said on to him "Hells Yeah\!\!"

186. (Jesus) (12↑, 27↓)
The holy deity of Christianity, who's portrayal in the Holy Bible is a plagiarism of many preceding religions; most notably, Egyptian mythology. Jesus was no different from any of his followers or anyone before or after his time, yet the Christian Church, for want of money and a brainwashed public, teach his messages worldwide, and even go as far as to have their followers travel abroad as missionaries to attempt to persuade completely content people to throw aside all they have ever believed in to accept these new religious beliefs. Indeed, the death of Jesus the average Jew has drawn in billions of dollars to the Church, who, in turn, pays no taxes. In the words of George Carlin: "Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time."

Me: "Hey man, why do you believe in Jesus?" Ignorant Christian: "Because that's just how I was raised, and I, being the archetypal Christian, have forever sealed off my mind from alternate religious standpoints."

Author: Satan Johnson http://jesus.urbanup.com/2940522
187. (jesus) (8↑, 23↓)
An adjective meaning "cool" or "awesome"

"Dude\! This cake is SO jesus\!"

Author: amanderineorange http://jesus.urbanup.com/2879711
188. (jesus) (48↑, 63↓)
A probably fictional man (a derivative one at that) who lived roughly 2000 years ago. He was said to be the son of god (mostly said by himself). Notable for performing several party tricks, for example turning water into wine, feeding 5000 people with limited supplies and rising from the dead. He had 12 lingers on, a couple of which fucked him over big style, most notably Judas. Appears heavily in the new testament of the best selling novel “The Bible” which spawned a cult following known as Christians. Sometimes his name may be used as term of mild annoyance or a word to stress other words.

"jesus josephine" "jesus dave no fucking need for it"

Author: gerald fawcett http://jesus.urbanup.com/2875456
189. (jesus) (23↑, 38↓)
1.an explanation of emense anger or angrivation or pleasure 2.John Lennon

*JESUS\! *"all we are saying is give peace a chance"

Author: Argentina Funkehouser http://jesus.urbanup.com/2819188
190. (jesus) (79↑, 94↓)
My very best friend..THE ALPHA(beginning), THE OMEGA(the end), Who was, is, and is to come... my redeemer from sin, guilt, and many other unimaginable things...my HEALER\!\!\!my LORD\!\!\! Come to know Him before it is too late, and believe me my friends...there will be a time when it is too late.

1 John 5:1 says: Whosoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and everyone that loves the one who begat him, loves him also that is begotten of him.

Author: JCismySuPeRhErO\! http://jesus.urbanup.com/1500325
191. (Jesus) (90↑, 105↓)
Jesus is gods son, he died on the cross in our place and rose from the dead on the third day so that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. The bible tells us to repent and be baptised and go and sin no more. Please tell God your sorry and ask Jesus to come into your heart and be your lord and he will save you.

john 3:16 For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have etenal life revelation 21:8 But for the cowardly, unbelieving,abominable,murderers,sexualy immoral,sorcer,idolaters and all liars shal have their part in the fire and brimstone which is the second death

Author: michael vecchio http://jesus.urbanup.com/1145350
192. (jesus) (22↑, 38↓)
Jesus christ is the basis for all zombie movies ever made.

Jesus was born human, died a human death and then was resurrected by some unnatural means.

193. (Jesus) (45↑, 61↓)
A guy who dresses in all white that gives people free drugs and knows everything about drugs and cannot die.

Jesus Give me drugs. Jesus come chill.

Author: jesus'sfriend http://jesus.urbanup.com/2723111
194. (Jesus) (61↑, 77↓)
A made up fictional character from the story book known as the Bible. The people called christians are supposed to believe that since he was murdered by romans we are not responsible for our sins. In other words they blame a fictional character for all of the things they do wrong.

"I just shot a dude in the head" "So? Jesus died your in no trouble"*I'm a retard christian* *I'm a muslim*"You idiot he died... you are still responsible for shooting that dude in the head\!"

195. (jesus) (50↑, 66↓)
1. The fictional guy that gives a lot of people a way to discriminate against others and pretty much do whatever they want. He is often blamed for trajedies; otherwise known as a scapegoat. The religion based off him also gives many unstable people a way to handle the fact that science has not discovered the origin of every fucking little thing. This religion also has created a booming industry: anything from greeting cards, to bumper stickers, to churches who provide bums with jobs/an income they otherwise wouldnt have gotten (aka ministers). it is rumoured that "rome wasn't built in a day, but christianity was written in an hour" (thanks jimi) 2. Often used as a curse word much like, "fuck" or "shit"

1. "do you believe in evolution?" "oh no, jesus/god created every little atom in the world\!" "get a grip, who the fuck would care enough to create the billions of atoms to make one idiot like you?" 2. "jesus christ\! six flags over jesus is full of idiots\!"

196. (Jesus) (49↑, 65↓)
The closest we'll ever come to understanding God. His most important ideal was compassion. This stems rom empathy. Being able to put oneself in others' shoes. And not judging unfairly, in order that we are not judged by the same method. Whether you're atheist or agnostic, these are principles that are acceptable. He has a lot of other principles that you would agree with. Like the importance of not being hypocritical, and the need to focus on being spiritual more than a dogmatic following of the rules. The more you read, the more you understand.

Pharisee: who is he to claim that he can forgive sins. blasphemy Jesus: What is easier to say, your sins are forgiven or take your mat rise up and go home. And the man did just so.

197. (Jesus) (9↑, 26↓)
A mythical person just as real as the lockness monster, the boogie man, Pamela Anderson's boobs and the possibility of you having a 13inch penis

Jesus is my home boy. Jesus is my penis. Dave: I saw Jesus Sam: nope, you were just high

Author: Brodie DCLXVI http://jesus.urbanup.com/3197808
198. (jesus) (69↑, 86↓)
A word impossible to define, Greater than any possible definition.

Jesus you know what's in my heart without me saying it.

199. (Jesus) (97↑, 114↓)
The love of the world. The truth that exists in everyone. The one who loves even if love is not returned. Ok, i can see people don't believe in Jesus and stuff, and that is their own opinion and belief. But do you REALLY have to bash on the faith? Man, I can't believe how many people can actually say these sort of things.. Jesus never did anything bad to anybody and people have the urge to bash? How horrible.. People who do this obviously have no morals whatsoever and spend their entire lives mocking people and making fun of everything.

Jesus is everything, yet people are too blind to see it. How is that?

200. (jesus) (11↑, 29↓)
(adjective) Describing something that is very beautiful, or relieving.

I ate four tacos and then rode the subway for two hours\! When I finally got to a bathroom the shit that ripped out of my ass was jesus.

201. (jesus) (19↑, 37↓)
a.k.a jesus fucking christ, jesus tap dancing christ and jesus child molestion christ, he seemed to be a good man, and he probally didnt want his beliefs to turn into a cult as it has become, but hey, theres nothin he can do about it he is dead

my pastor: the bible says i can touch you where ever i want, so shut up me: what?\!? the bible just has little kids stories in it my paster: jesus child molesting christ just take off your clothes me: help?\!?\!?\!

Author: erik von darkmoor http://jesus.urbanup.com/2602763
202. (Jesus) (33↑, 51↓)
Took pain for others pleasure, aka, Gimp.

Roman Army: Lets dress up in uniform, nail that gimp jesus to the cross while hes wearing nothing buy a loin-cloth and give him pain, and let him take it like a gimp. Guy at the back: Can I nail him ON the cross?

203. (Jesus) (48↑, 66↓)
Jesus is the one aspect of christianity that most people who hate christians can not shit on. Despite all the bullshit that has been done over the years the basic idea of what Jesus was all about is untouchable. Jesus was about LOVE the churtch is about POWER, I am a [Catholic] I know the bullshit that goes on, but as much as I try I can't find a flaw in Jesus...

However if you have seen [The Last Temptation of Christ] you'd find that idea of Christ (being flawed and doubting) more beleivable than the idea that he took his [passion] with grace. I think Jesus would of been better as a full human being who sinned but still found his path.

Author: Paul Ross Fletcher (seth) http://jesus.urbanup.com/1712220
204. (Jesus) (1↑, 19↓)
Jesus, Jill or ;dfskldlfkd;sflk a person of owning. Has power of all.

Jesus ruled the world.

205. (Jesus) (13↑, 32↓)
1. a Man that does tricks 2. a fictional character

1. I will turn water into wine 2. Hey\! Did you read the Bible? there's this guy called Jesus in it.

206. (Jesus) (50↑, 69↓)
A fictional character created by a cult that developed into Christianity. Jesus is now falsely thought to have existed and some even think he was the son of [god]... and [god].. at the same time. There is no historical evidence, writings or anything about Jesus during the time he supposedly lived. No accounts of Jesus were written until decades after he supposedly ascended into heaven. 30 or more years passed before he was written about, which was about the average life span back then. So how did a whole new generation write about something they didn't even witness for themselves? Don't you think some people would write about Jesus WHILE he was performing these miracles? Mithras Dionysus share VERY similar stories with Jesus and had cults like Christianity. You should not believe anything you’ve just read, but look up the evidence facts, and decide for yourself. Luigi Cascioli has accused the catholic church of falsely saying Jesus existed. They will have to present evidence that he did. If they cannot accomplish this they will no longer be able to say Jesus existed as a fact in Italy. This should be a fairly large blow to christianity.

Follow Jesus or you will burn in hell forever\! jk he isn't even real lol.

Author: FreeThinker2007 http://jesus.urbanup.com/2555673
207. (Jesus) (5↑, 25↓)
Definitely not Chaney.

I can't do it, I'm not Jesus\!

208. (Jesus) (18↑, 38↓)
A person who probably had charisma and may have been okay-but there must have been many interpolations by people with an ax to grind and the Gospels are from a hundred years later, so who knows what he really said? Anyway, Jesus is who Christians sell their souls to for a chance at salvation. Christians give up on their own sense of fairness and kindness and common sense and live by contradictory and primitive rules. Then Christians warn against selling your soul to a mean critter named Satan, an obviously foolish bargain to make their own sellout look better.

Jesus is Lord, I bow to His will.-said by many customers of the faith industry.

Author: Richard Peterson http://jesus.urbanup.com/2611646
209. (Jesus) (102↑, 122↓)
The only true Christian that will ever exist. Yes, not even you reading it, you hypocrite.

"The word 'Christianity' is already a misunderstanding - in reality there has been only one Christian, and he died on the Cross." Friedrich Nietzsche Believer: Jesus is your savior, and if you love him with all your heart, you will live forever in eternity\! Me: Why the hell would I want to spend eternity with a person like you?

Author: Justin Gutierrez http://jesus.urbanup.com/1724602
210. (Jesus) (52↑, 72↓)
When somebody surprised by something.

Oh Jeeeeesssssuuuuussss.

211. (Jesus) (37↑, 57↓)
The Son of God. The saviour of my soul. the way the truth and the light. The person that loves us all. even the people on here that are saying how much they hate him. He is the only true way to live. He is the only perfect thing to ever walk this on this earth and died a criminals death just so we can have the freedom we have today.

Jesus is the only way to live. The only answer to your problem. You will fall and look for love in other places but Jesus is th only way.

212. (Jesus) (66↑, 86↓)
He's the Savior of the world, the Son of God. His love is more powerful than anyone elses. Grace and mercy flow from Him. He sits at the right hand of the Father waiting for the moment when He can return for His Bride, that is the Church.

Behold, the Bridegroom is coming. Repent, for the Day of the Lord is at hand.

Author: King's Daughter http://jesus.urbanup.com/1329269
213. (Jesus) (121↑, 141↓)
1. That guy who was both God and man, really loves you and me, came to the world 2000 years ago in a barn, lived a regular life so He could identify with us, taught us the mind of God and pathways to Heaven, died on a cross for our sins so we could be right with God and not sent to hell, and rose back from the dead three days later, and then He ascended to Heaven where He is prayin and cheerin us on until the day He comes back\! 2. Somebody the Inquirer says owns a hotdog cart in New York City. 3. The second person of the Holy Trinity explained this way: The heart of God is the Father, the Face of God is Jesus, and the voice of God is the Holy Spirit. 4. My Savior, my King and Lord, my Brother, my Friend, and my Lover. I know that it would make a great country music song\!

1. [Jesus] moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. 2. [Jesus] owns a hotdog cart in The Big Apple. 3. [Jesus] is the Son. 4. I love You [Jesus]\!\!\!

214. (jesus) (19↑, 40↓)
some dude who might have lived a long time ago. he tried to spread peace but ignorant people decided the need to make him god so they don't have to come to terms with their own mortality.

Guy 1:When I die ill go to heaven\! cuz of jesus. Rational human: Your an idiot.

Author: saintdisgustus http://jesus.urbanup.com/2669496
215. (jesus) (26↑, 47↓)
A philosopher who was murdered by the Jewish heirarchy (Pharisees) for telling people to not be mean to each other. 500 years later and into the present, his fan club slandered his message and proceeded to hate women, gays, liberals, muslims, atheists, Jews, Wiccans, blacks, sexual explorers, etc. Now anything that alludes to him is a warning sign for fascism, misogyny, misanthopy, and/or ignorance. See [Jesus Camp], [Pat Robertson], [Jerry Falwell], [James Dobson], the [Republican Party]

"God Hates Fags: Come to Jesus\!"

216. (jesus) (31↑, 52↓)
A man that is the protagonist of the book called the new testament. A man who is worshipped by more over1 billion people. A guy who was nailed on a cross, or from a muslim perspective he was not. To some he is the son of god, to some he is god, to some he is a prophet, to some he is non existent, to some he is a false messiah and bla bla bla. Everyone has its own jesus in this matter.

I say Jesus is non-existent.

217. (Jesus) (44↑, 65↓)
1.Chrisitanity's object of worship. A Middle Eastern Jew generally believed to be a good bloke, around about 2000 years ago in the Roman province of Judaea who preached messages of compassion and understanding in the area. These messages conflicted with traditional and roman religions in the area so he was exectuted. After the theft of his body, his followers spread the teachings of jesus to the main centre of civilisation at the time, Rome, where it became a major cult, eventually influencing the socio-political state there. This led to the subsequent adoption of "Chrisitanity" as the state religion in Rome after Emperor Constantine, an act for which he was cannonised later. It was at this point with the founding of a central theocracy that the Gospels were written by Roman priests and the whole son of god term was coined. 2. Something Impossible to define without someone complaining about it. see [insecure].

Have you ever noticed how much people like to argue? especially about Jesus.

218. (jesus) (95↑, 116↓)
A man who died 2000 years ago apparently for our sins we havent commited. Worshipped by insane people who believe in magic.

Jesus is dead get over it

219. (Jesus) (71↑, 92↓)
man (yes, it's amazing that God was a man) who made us, right, and somehow (don't ask me how) made us individuals who can choose what we do, even though He knew it would cost Him - and then figured that since we'd blown it by not listening to Him, and since He knows how empty we are and couldn't imagine eternity without us, died the most painful death so we could be innocent like Him, instead of living lives that suck and ending up in hell (worse than hell on earth). This guy now helps us out if we let Him, and He's the answer to ALL the problems on the earth - you'd think we could give Him a little credit\! (ie. admit He's real - but the last big bang my microwave had didn't create a mini universe, so I can deal with that - and let Him give us the answer, start living for something ...)

Jesus is ultra-awesome, and He gives life a purpose\!\!\! And believe it or not, He deserves to have us follow Him (have any of your friends created you & died for you lately, when you hated them, and come back to life ...?).

220. (Jesus) (28↑, 50↓)
A hairy male of the Hispanic origin; A hairy Cholo.

That jesus over there needs to kiss a razor.

221. (jesus) (37↑, 59↓)
Jesus is the Bread of Life and the Image of the Invisible God. He has influenced millions of lives, and continues to teach through his divine word.

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ' A man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law-- a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.' Anyone who loves his father or mother more that me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Quote from Jesus Matthew 10: 34-39

222. (jesus) (4↑, 26↓)
Developed from the Old Persian "Yazhus", meaning "Anal Lord". From \jesus1500BCE to \jesus60AD the Middle East was ruled by "Zgenhhus" - heterosexual Kings who spread their empire by impregnating hundreds, sometimes thousands of women in a lifetime. The famous Jesus Christ (Yashua Bin Josef) was supposed to be the next in the natural line of these, as governed by the Magi, or Wise Men. However, being agressively homosexual, he instead gained the nickname "Yazhus" (Anal Lord) and discontinued this line, causing thousands of years of worldwide war. Historical experts agree that the reason of his terrible execution is not because of his flamboyent speeches. It is actually because he broke into the Roman ranks often and paraded around wearing nothing but a crown of psychoactive plants on his head, tricking the soldiers into being drug-induced rape victims.

Jesus, stop it\! You're hurting me\!

Author: Christian Sur http://jesus.urbanup.com/1546895
223. (Jesus) (1↑, 23↓)
The incredible Raymond Harris

Chubbs Jesus just reserected you form the dead

224. (jesus) (6↑, 29↓)
teh main char in a good book (although [NGE] improved on it a lot)

some god fanboy: I hate [NGE] jesus: well I hate you

225. (Jesus) (43↑, 66↓)
The cornerstone of the Christian religion.

I have thorns on my head and I'm underwater, but the blood is not flying into the water, but running down my face, because I am Jesus, and I am awesome.

Author: Magical Nigga http://jesus.urbanup.com/1512539
226. (jesus) (79↑, 102↓)
Jesus of Nazareth, also known as Christ The greatest, purest, wisest, and nicest [liberal] to ever live.

If George W. Bush is the greatest conservative ever, and Jesus the greatest liberal. I guess that makes George W. Bush the anti-christ.

227. (Jesus) (163↑, 186↓)
The Lord and Savior of the world. I wish all of those who mock him on this site eventually find what he was and what he said was all true...

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him shall not die but have eternal life." - John 3:16

228. (jesus) (112↑, 135↓)
Jesus was way cool. Everybody like Jesus. Everybody wanted to hang out with him. Anything he wanted to do, he did. He turned water into wine, and if he had wanted to, He could have turned wheat into marijuana, sugar into cocaine, or vitamin pills into amphetamines. He walked on the water and swam on the land. He would tell these stories and people would listen. He was really cool. If you were blind, or lame, you just went to Jesus and he would put his hands on you and you would be healed. That's so cool. He could have played guitar better than Hendrix. He could have told the future. He could have baked the most delicious cake in the world. He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky. He could have danced better than Baryshnikov. Jesus would have been funnier than any comedian you can think of. Jesus told people to eat his body and drink his blood. That's so cool. Jesus was so cool. But then some people got jealous of how cool he was, so they killed him. But then he rose from the dead\! He rose from the dead, did a little dance, and went up to heaven. I mean, that's so cool. No wonder there are so many Christians.

This weed got me more stoned than jesus on the cross.

Author: John S. Hall http://jesus.urbanup.com/48468
229. (Jesus) (12↑, 36↓)
A long-dead Middle-Eastern hippy who smoked weed and fathered many screwed up kids including George W. Bush and John McCain.

My mom told me to do what Jesus did, so I bought a bag of weed off my friend.

230. (Jesus) (10↑, 34↓)
1. Don't worry it's all good. 2. That is the best or the bomb or the greatest. 3. Calling out your shot or try in a sport that will gain points for you or your team.

1. Yo man, It's all Jesus 2. Did you see that game, it was Jesus. 3. Shoot a basketball then call out: "Jesus" and the ball goes in for points.

231. (jesus) (26↑, 50↓)
Jesus Christ, is a savior. He was sent from Heaven by God into the womb of virgin mary. She gave birth to him and named him Jesus. Jesus grew up perfect, all have sinned but him. He is love. Jesus was crucified, beaten, and mocked by Jews, and nailed on a cross to pay for our sins, that anyone who believes in him may be SAVED from hell to live with God eternally in heaven\!\!3 days later [Easter] the Messiah rose again and was a miarcle and many bowed and worshiped him\! He will be back...Jesus is coming to take those who beleive back to heaven, and that could be the end of the world, Don't be left behind, or gone to hell. Make the descion before its to late, God loves you and is knocking on your heart..."let him in\!"

Jesus died for you, live for him.

Author: CharisXlovesXyou http://jesus.urbanup.com/2074313
232. (Jesus) (32↑, 56↓)
Really just the smartest man in our world's history, with religion aside and beliefs cast out, Jesus was a man with the original indeniable push to "Utopia". He spent his time sharing things to inspire people, to change people's minds about how to treat others. He wanted to make human beings a caring, and for lack of a better reference, a family. Jesus shouldn't have been killed for what he did, but he was because of the same way a lot of people are treated wrong today. The second somebody either disagrees or doesn't understand what somebody else is trying to do/say, they jump at the oppurtunity to thrash at their very existence.

Jesus taught us how to live, taught us how to care, how to love...but nobody listened

233. (Jesus) (28↑, 52↓)
Jesus of Nazareth; the Son of Mary source of the Christian religion & Savior in the Christian faith; believed to be miraculously conceived by his Mother; received as great teacher by disciples and common people; preached redeeming love of God for every person; suspected of revolutionary aims as Messiah; seized by Romans but turned over to and crucified by Jewish authorities; believed by followers to have been miraculously resurrected; proclaimed by disciples and believers as Messiah and savior of all.

Jesus is nice. I love Jesus, he is my friend. Jesus saves, at walmart. I found Jesus, he was hiding behind the sofa.

234. (Jesus) (55↑, 80↓)
Jesus is the Son of [God]. He was a man that reformed Judaism and was hated for his radical changes. He established a bond between God and his people that has been umatched. Over 2 Billion people acknowledge he is [God] and over 3.5 Billion acknowledge his divinity. Jesus was perfect in any way, and in recent Godless times, has become a common object of ridicule among non-believers. Praised by Chrstians and Muslims as a messanger of/from God, he established a new variety of Judaism (now called Christianity) which came together in the early 2nd century as the One True Holy and Apostolic Church (Now known as the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Church)(110AD - 140AD) and writings about his life first appeared in the first century (60-90AD). Preached against the old "eye for an eye" ideology and taught a new "turn the other cheek" attitude. Later disputes about his intentions with his people supurred a "refomartion" in which many people broke away from the Catholic Church and established Protestantism (commonly reffered to by the generic name of "Christians" in the U.S., since there are many denominations (Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, +32,000 more denominations) to the point where many of the groups are not recognized if called by their formal names). Protestants have lately earned a bad name for their "excessive preaching" to non-believers. Jesus had 12 apostoles, 5 of which established the Catholic and Orthodox churches. Jesus was born in Nazareth, most likely in the summer. Christmas is recognized by most churches to celebrate the birth of Christ (and not as Christ's ACTUAL birthday, which non-believers misunderstand) and Easter is the celebration of Jesus' return to life.

About 4,500,000,000 People believe in (a) God (75% of the world) About 3,500,000,000 People acknowledge Jesus' holiness (Christians + Muslims) (77% of God Believers) About 2,100,000,000 People acknowledge Jesus is God (Christians) (46% of God believers) Of the 2.1 Billion Christians: 1.6 Billion are orthodox Christians (Catholics + Eastern Orthodoxies + Oriental Orthodoxies) (76% of Christians) 0.5 Billion are unorthodox Christians (Independents + Protestants) (23% of Christians) Of the 1.6 Billion orthodox Christians 1.1 Billion are Roman Catholics (52% of All Christians) 0.4 Billion are Eastern Orthodox (19% of All Christians) 0.1 Billion are Oriental Orthodox or other Orthodox (4% of All Christians) Of the 0.5 Billion unorthodox Christians 0.2 Billion are Independents (9% of All Christians) 0.3 Billion are Protestants (13% of All Christians)

235. (Jesus) (53↑, 78↓)
Usually a name referring to Jesus of Nazareth, who lived from around 0 B.C to 33 A.D. His birth is celebrated on Cristmas day. He was supposedly born of the virgin Mary, and started preaching when he was about 30 years old. He went around the countryside preaching messages of peace, love, and acceptance. He was commonly mistaken as a political revolutionary, uprising against the Roman Empire which was occupying the region at the time. According to the Bible, he was both God-like and human-like, though nowadays the human part is often forgotton. He hung out with theives, crooks, prostitutes, and other people who were deemed "unacceptable" by society. He perfomed "miracles", such as turning water into wine, calming storms, multiplying bread, etc. Some people interpret these stories literally, while others interpret them metaphorically. Jesus, by today's standards, would be considered a hippie, a leftie, and an extremist. He preached acceptance and tolerance, not racist, sexist, and homophobic policies. He was not a pacifist. His whole "turn the other cheek" thing is advising people to use nonviolent resistance. In those times, a slap with the back of the hand was an insult, while a slap with the palm was illigal. The scripture says that if someone hits you on the RIGHT cheek... People's left hands were considered "unclean" and therefore they would have to hit you with their right hand, and to do it on the right cheek would have to be backhanded. If you turn the other cheek, you are forcing them to hit you with their palm, which then would be illegal. There are many other scriptures like this one that are interpreted out of context and have distorted meanings. (hope that clarified things) Jesus died on a crucifix, the modern-day symbol of christianity. The crucifix was a torture device used by the Romans as punishment. Tons of people tend to forget the origin of the cross. He was accused of calling himself the son of God (which he never did), died on Good Friday, and was resureccted on Easter Sunday.

What Would Jesus Do? Jesus is my homeboy. Who Would Jesus Bomb?

236. (JESUS) (2↑, 28↓)
1. a hobo who got raped by gay hobos who also was kindly given roses to put on his stupid head. 2.a fagot who got nailed onto a dildo cross by the K.K.K

man 1-look at that poor man on the cross. man 2-wait is that a dildo. man 1-holy shit it is a dildo man 2-what a jesus.

Author: TRENTON BIG NOSE http://jesus.urbanup.com/3590474
237. (Jesus) (13↑, 39↓)
He was the best thing before sliced bread, apparently he did something for some jews then died on a cross, i dunno See family guy

In other words Jesus was a load of SHITE

Author: Stuartthebank http://jesus.urbanup.com/2591172
238. (Jesus) (41↑, 67↓)
The best man that ever lived and no one as good as him will ever live. He is the one and only TRUE KING. The only way into HEAVEN and the only one that can save you from the damnation of HELL. Jesus destroyed Satan's hold over us when Jesus died for all sins. Satan will NEVER bring Jesus down. Jesus is the LORD forever. He paid for your soul with his body and blood, so believe that he loves you because he is one to love you when no one else could. Take my word, HELL is real and Jesus doesn't want you to go there and neither do I, so can I get an AMEN for Christ Jesus. The LORD be with you. -AMEN

Jesus says "Whoever believes in me shall not perish, but shall have eternal life."

239. (jesus) (110↑, 136↓)
a mythological figure which is central to christianity. there's no real evidence that jesus existed, in fact the whole jesus story seems to be based on older pagan myths.

"do you believe in jesus?" "no, wtf. do you believe in the tooth fairy?"

240. (jesus) (47↑, 73↓)
The Son of God sent down to the world of the living to purify the sins of the world and remind people of the scriptures. He died on a cross so that we could be forgiven. Some would denounce Jesus as a fag, but if that is what you think, I truly pity you. Some denounce Jesus by claiming that there is no God. I forgive you, but I will state one thing: if there was no God, all things would be possible.

When Jesus died on the cross, the blood from his wounds flowed like a healing ointment to cleanse us of our sins, just a rubbing alchohol cleanses a wound.

241. (jesus) (27↑, 54↓)
a made up person persecuted by the jews and used as the reason to justify every wrong thing in this world. kill other cultures, rape, take over countries, kill and the likes. oh lol and who could forget control the poor and uneducated.

jesus, these jesus freaks just don't get it do they? he never existed\!

242. (jesus) (27↑, 54↓)
A bastard carpenter who was constantly followed by a group of [stoners] convinced that he was the son of [god]. He was born the son of a [prostitute] (stage name: 'The Virgin Mary') and one of a trio of kings who were present at his birth (the impregnation a result of a failed [condom] during an [orgy] involving said trio and prostitute) offering child support in the form of gifts so as not to arouse the suspicion of the husband (he was not aware of his wife's 'other' occupation). Jesus (pronounced "ho-zay" but interpreted as "Jee-zus" because the bloody [English] can't do anything right) would take up carpentry as his trade years later after an incident where he was lost in a dessert for a great many years and failed to pass in his admission essay for law-school by the due date. It was at this time that the druggies appeared into his life, lazily hanging out in the alley next to Jesus' workshop. The exact reason for being dubbed the son of god is still debated by scholars but it is rumored that it had something to do with a neck injury Jesus had sustained, resulting in his wearing of a halo neck brace for a month or so. In approximately 35 AD ([Time Paradox]?), Jesus was convicted of being a [cannibal] and [vampire] after a dinner party at which he supposedly served blood-wine and people-bread. He was crucified and stabbed with a spear ([overkill]) by a group of hateful [Jews]. He was resurrected, however, by by a combination of [necromancy] and [T-virus]mancy as a [zombie]. A great many people died by his hands and he went uncontested for many years (he is credited with the [Black Death]) until a group of religious fanatics lead by L. [DaVinci] captured and deported him to [Mexico]. There he lives today, running rampant and sating his bloodlust by killing goats under the alias '[El Chupacabra]'.

"And now you know the rest of the [jesus] story" -Paul Harvey

Author: Anony-nony-nony-mous http://jesus.urbanup.com/2674409
243. (Jesus) (55↑, 82↓)
Exclamation used before a statement of shock, dismay, or surprise.

"Jesus, that things huge\!"

Author: Teh Muffin Man http://jesus.urbanup.com/651965
244. (Jesus) (8↑, 36↓)
1. An exclamation of recieving or nearly recieving a curse from above. 2. An accusatory statement or excuse for delivering or doing evil. Background: In Hebrew the word Hsus is horse, through translations from the Greek eh-sus became the modern Jesus. The prophets predict that God would send a devine punisher horse (Hsus) if the Israel nation (Jews are a tribe of) fell and did not do the law that Moses delivered. A horse that was born from the word via the consequences of rebelion against doing the law. (In hebrew rebelion is Mry - thus concieved from rebelion). If they did the law, there would be no horse. It is written chose life or chose death, chose a blessing or chose a curse. Most of this hinges around a single God prohibiting the worship of more than one God or representing God as a man or woman form as well as anything below the seas, on the land or in the heavens. Jesus however is claimed to be an incarnation man-form of God. Jesus had no power of his own, but recieved it through a bolt of lightning in the shape of a dove when he went down into the valley of the dead. In contrast Moses walked up a mountain and had to remove his shoes because the land was holy ground and was not struct by lightning. Jesus is also represented as a dead first begotten son (Israel) on a capital punishement cross. Jesus only collected the fallen Jews (sinners and law breakers), to, as he put, it "burn up the chaf", "to bring war" and "to put an axe to the root of Israel". He clearly states in correction of those who think he is the Messiah to bring peace, ingather the dispersed Jews and unite them preventing the temple fall, "I have not come to bring peace." All of the things he states he is bringing are listed in the curses of the Old Testament and not in the messianic prophecies. The fall of the Temple that happened shortly afterwards is also in the curses. The curses that Jesus is claimed by modern day followers to have been paid for in full and illiminated. Thus today you can hear people exclaim at the sight of what use to be considered a curse - "Jesus".

"Jesus\!, how the hell can you say that about Jesus. I never read that he came to bring war." "Jesus\! its the cops pulling me over. I think I drank way too much."..."Help me God. Oh my God get me out of this". "Jesus Christ\! buddy. How could you be that ignorant? Are you touched in the head of something?" "Jeeezzzusss\! that lightning bolt was awfully close." "What the b'Jesus\! a bee flew up my arm sleeve and keeps stinging me." "Jesus H Christ, bubba I just shot myself in the foot" "Jesus made me do it. I hear his voice in my head so I done the bitch like he told me." "Jesus, I'm Jesus dont you see?" "Jesus Christ\! thats freaky, this machine press malfunction almost took my head off." "Jesus, I never saw them coming. I most have been day dreaming when I pulled into traffic without looking." "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus\!"..."Please God let the pilot get control of the plane". "Jesus spared me, its a miracle I not dead, just a broken arm and some cuts when I was thrown 500ft, what a blessing I lost everything in the tornado and subsequent flash flood but I am alive. Praise Jesus I am so lucky\!. Jesus\! that was a [close call]"

245. (Jesus) (85↑, 113↓)
The most famous cult leader in the history of the world. Led billions of people (alive or dead) to believe in the largest scam of all time. He was nailed to a piece of wood merely because crucifiction was extremely popular back then and because he was persecuted for seemingly impossible ideals. The [bible] is no more real than Lord of the Rings or Star Trek.

Jesus: I am the son of God. Weak-minded peon: Yay\! people must hear the word of God and accept a false prophecy that the world was created by something we have no proof of except for a story book\!

Author: Alex Z: The Real God (or i might as well be) http://jesus.urbanup.com/1198813
246. (Jesus) (40↑, 69↓)
Jesus was a Jew that lived in the Roman province of Judea. (Judah, Israel, Palestine). He was a good man. He would preach Judaism, and preach on some of his own philosophies. He claimed to be the Jewish Messiah, as foretold in the Hebrew Bible. Some Jews believed that he was the Messiah, but most Jews didn't believe him, because he had not proved it by fullfilling the Messianic prophecies. Then the Jews that rejected him began to call him a troublemaker, and the Roman authorities began to think that he was a man that would revolt against the Roman Empire. The Romans got pissed off and then tortured him, then killed him through the crucifixtion process. Then a bunch of Jews that actually believed that he was the Messiah, got scared and worried that Jesus was not the Messiah, so they went and created the idea that he was the Son of God ([YHWH]). Then upon believing Jesus was divine, then they assumed he was resurected and ascended into heaven, where he will return to earth from to fullfill the prophecies.

There are two religions that believe in Jesus, [Christianity] and [Islam].

Author: aguynamedandy http://jesus.urbanup.com/1878705
247. (jesus) (17↑, 48↓)
a mythical creature belived to have speacil powers.

guy: did u read that story book dude: the bible guy: yeah dude: jesus christ is so fake he's the old super man

248. (Jesus) (37↑, 68↓)
A man who will save your ass when you die.

Don't be hate'n on Jesus cause he is going to save your ass one day.

249. (Jesus) (37↑, 68↓)
The savior of the christian people. Christians believe he is the son of god and the messiah. They also believe he died for man kinds sins against each other. No real proof exists that he ever lived. That, like every religion, does not stop people from following in the way of jesus.

Jesus was crucified, man that must of sucked.

250. (jesus) (23↑, 55↓)
KK he's the awsomest koolest dude there was and IS. Died on the cross 4 everyone, to forgive ur sins - not that u can sin whenever u want. He loves evryone who has good in there heart. If u don't u can still become a Christian by praying and asking 4 forgiveness and meaning it. And reading the Bible - it's ALL true and it's Gods word to us. Seriously go 4 it, being a Christian is awsome and will change ur life 4 better. : )

Dudette- "whos Jesus"? Dude- "a righteouss dude,he loves u so much" Dudette- ooooo

Author: Jesus-is-dah-man http://jesus.urbanup.com/1983070
251. (Jesus) (63↑, 95↓)
King of the Jews. Was nailed to a cross which was one of the better [execution] tools in history.

All hail Jesus, king of the Jews\!

252. (Jesus) (96↑, 128↓)
The truth. When they murdered Christ they murdered the truth.

Christ = Love and he only spoke the truth Those who speak against Christ hate love and murder the truth and Satan speaks through them.

Author: Christ is love and truth http://jesus.urbanup.com/1071853
253. (jesus) (23↑, 57↓)
jesus is god the 1 who made the world and every thing in it,he is love he loves u he came and died so we could live life a real life not the life we have now a life with no pain or sickness forever with him and his father in the light

jesus is real he loves u , pry and study the bilbe find the truth for ur self god make himself known too those how seek him

Author: Justin Seymour http://jesus.urbanup.com/1992289
254. (Jesus) (97↑, 131↓)
Person who did some crazy shit.

Whoah, Jesus did some crazy shit.

255. (jesus) (147↑, 184↓)
An Arabian man born approximately in the summer of the year 1 AD, and excecuted by crucifixion in the year 33 AD. Often credited with being a very selfless humanitarian, and also with divinity of some sort.

I am using the name "Jesus" in a sentence.

Author: James Spairana http://jesus.urbanup.com/14769
256. (Jesus) (33↑, 71↓)
God's only Son & only way to God. Became fully human and still fully God to justify our sins before God. Did this on a wooden cross. Fills us with Himself when we search and ask for it.

Jesus: I did this just for you. Ask me to come into your life and lead you.

257. (Jesus) (23↑, 62↓)
Some dude who was born into a crappy family and his mother is somehow a virgin, some hippy probably jacked off and shot into her vag.Got killed and came back as a zombie. If he was alive today he would kill himself after seeing the cult his fictional novel "The Bible" spawned. Pretty cool guy despite the fact he tried to take away violence and wanted every one to be "nice" and that there really is no proof of his existance. He is now completely dead. See [fake], [phony], [bastard]

Guy 1: Yo, you know that Jesus dude? Guy 2: Yea, isnt he in Star Wars? Guy 1: Dunno, Something fictional like that. Me: I HATE HIPPIES\!\!\! Some Skater Hippy Christian who is a MAJOR Gromit:Jezuz iz meh hmeboi lawlz. Normal Person: Shut up fag. Jesus is Mexican.

258. (Jesus) (29↑, 72↓)
As stated by someone else previously,Christianity is a good philosophy.It's a good moral guide and a good way to live your life. As far as this idea that you can keep sinning and then ask for forgiveness,sinning then ask for forgiveness goes that's not true.God is not dumb.If you yourself knew someone like that who kept wronging you and kept asking you to forgive them would you not eventually grow tired of their act? God is patient and people can't help some of their sins and God understands this.However this is not a license to sin or be depraved or a lunatic or a homocidal maniac.But if you are sincerely trying to improve yourself then God knows this.But there is sin that means death,a point of no return.God isn't stupid. Now just because you have some minor sins or self control issues is no reason to become a devil worshiper.That's ridiculous.But if you are so far gone that you are Hitler then you may already be doomed to hell and their may not be any forgiveness for you.

And Jesus wasn't Arabian he was a Jew.

259. (Jesus) (159↑, 204↓)
1. Lover of my soul 2. My provider 3. The great I am 4. My redeemer 5. The beginning 6. The end 7. The Lamb of God 8. The Great I am 9. Son of Man 10. An individual who was born to a virgin; came to earth, sent by God, to live a PERFECT life and die for our sins so that all may enter heaven. He is perfect and without sin and wishes to make every person just like him. He has no memory of the sins of those who call on his name asking for forgiveness. God loves everyone.
260. (Jesus) (60↑, 106↓)
1.Just tha most awesome guy who eva lived 2.Saviour of our souls 3.Son of God

Person 1: "i am the most awesome guy ever" Person 2: "no Jesus is" Person 1: ... Person 2: "dude, Jesus just saved my soul"

Author: why-cant-we-be-friends http://jesus.urbanup.com/1728324
261. (Jesus) (97↑, 161↓)
Son of god,died for all of our sins so that we may live. Spoke out against the tyranny of pagan Rome and all of their Satanism and homosexuality,child-molesting and slave-owning ways. So they killed him in the most evil way imaginable.

Now we are living in Rome as evidenced by all of these tyrannical,evil and hateful posts.

262. (Jesus) (66↑, 150↓)
Was murdered/nailed to a cross because he opposed the Roman's pagan theocracy\!

The Roman pagan theocracy legalized child molestation.

263. (Jesus) (85↑, 213↓)
1. An awesome person who sacrificed himself for us, so all you people giving stupid definitions, seriously SHUT UP\!\! Jesus will forgive you, though.

1. Jesus, who is in fact one of the koolest people i know, well i dont KNOW him, but he's kool.

264. (jesus) (62↑, 213↓)
wow i truely feel bad 4 all of u that are bashing jesus since jesus is the only human being that lived a perfct life....all u who say well in the bible its says were all sons of god how come he gets praised 4 it? it is true that the bible says that but jesus wasnt JUST the son of god he was god in a human form...and 4 u all that say there is no proof of jesus.... the bible is evidence last time i checked.....and 4 all u tht say well what if the bible is fake.....the bible was the most sold book of ANY time period so obviously when the bible was written it was true or so many people wouldnt have bought it because those people witnessed it first hand....and 4 u who say if god is real why doesnt he help people? these are the people i TRUELY feel sorry 4 bc they must not have ever had any expirences in life that inspired them that they could not explain.....god helps people everyday when a child fighting cancer unexpectingly survives after they said he was done? what do u call that? u cant call it scientific because the medical scientists that we call doctors said they were done.... if everything in this world was scientific how do explain the unexplainable that "shouldnt" happen according to science.... bottom line jesus was the greatest person to walk the earth and if u dont want to believe in him that is your decision... i personally disagree with it because that is my religion but im not living your life now am i?

BTW if anyone has an arguement against this i would like to hear it and im not saying it in a i know everything way i would just like to hear what u have to say agianst jesus and i want to hear tour persepcetve

265. (jesus) (85↑, 245↓)
1. The totally awesome guy who is going to send you to hell if you don't belive in him and accept him into your heart

Guy 1: Hey guess what Guy 2: What Guy 1: I just accepted jesus into my heart Guy 2: Sweet, now you'll go to heaven like the rest of us christians

266. (Jesus) (177↑, 355↓)
The Savior of the world. People have every right to reject or ignore him, but those who choose to believe will eventually feel the security, peace, and happiness that only He can bring.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven: by the power of the Holy Spirit he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary, and was made man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

267. (Jesus) (88↑, 470↓)
An ancient Philosopher and possibly savior who had a pretty decent message while alive- be nice, forgive, help those less fortunate than you. Very little is known about this man's personal life because he never wrote down anything so far as we can tell, and the four friends of his who wrote stuff about him did so decades after he whipped, humiliated, stabbed, nailed to a cross shaped object, and eventually died from the agony. Had twelve close followers one of whom betrayed him, plus a whole pack of deciples including his mother and an ex-prostitute who may or may not have been his wife. Actually may have also been attempting to start a jewish rebellion against the roman imperialist dictators, though this was probablye editted out of the scritures to make Romans convert. His early followers were a pretty nice bunch cosidering that they were skinned alive, tied to poles and shot full of arrows, whipped, stoned, crucified upsidedown, and made into human cat food in the colliseum with lions. His later followers sadly were homicidal nuts and began slaughtering innocent Jews and Muslims, and occasionally each other. This started to change around the 1900's, and was almost perfectly reformed by the 1970's with [Jesus Christ Superstar] when sadly a group of vile liars calling themselves undamentalists distorted his image into a hate mongering fanatic, causing comunist govts. like North Korea to ban him and turning many people away from him. The fact that some of his closest followers raped altar servers and that his name was attached to Jacko's "Juice" probably pissed him off. If alive today, he'd be chillin in jamaica with stoners or playing in the NBA as Steve Nash and MLB as Johnny Damon. Oh wait, he is. And he'd shut up Creed for good.

Jesus- Do unto others as you would have them do unto your self Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.

Author: Jonzo the Weasel http://jesus.urbanup.com/1598474
Related: god, christ, religion, christian, christianity, bible, sex, jesus christ, church, fuck, awesome, shit, love, satan, holy, lord, jew, penis, catholic, hell, chuck norris, amazing, omg, heaven, ass, cool, messiah, gay, christians, christmas, allah, lol, atheist, faith, savior, sexy, jews, moses, weed, fucking
Last updated: 2012.02.29

Urban English dictionary. 2013.

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  • Jesus — Jésus de Nazareth Wikipédia …   Wikipédia en Français

  • Jésus — de Nazareth Wikipédia …   Wikipédia en Français

  • JÉSUS — Il est peu de personnages historiques dont l’influence sur l’histoire de l’humanité ait été aussi grande que celle de Jésus, eu égard à la durée exceptionnellement courte de sa prédication. Il n’a pas fondé de religion et sa vie n’est en rien… …   Encyclopédie Universelle

  • JESUS — (d. 30 C.E.), whom Christianity sees as its founder and object of faith, was a Jew who lived toward the end of the Second Commonwealth period. The martyrdom of his brother James is narrated by Josephus (Ant. 20:200–3), but the passage in the same …   Encyclopedia of Judaism

  • Jesús — Jesus ist ein männlicher Vorname biblischer Herkunft. Sein bekanntester Träger ist Jesus von Nazaret, den das Christentum als Jesus Christus, der Islam als Isa ibn Maryam verehren. Meist von diesem Namensträger abgeleitet wird Jesus in vielen… …   Deutsch Wikipedia

  • Jesus —     Jesus Christ     † Catholic Encyclopedia ► Jesus Christ     Origin of the Name of Jesus In this article, we shall consider the two words Jesus and Christ which compose the Sacred Name.     The Holy Name of Jesus We give honour to the Name of… …   Catholic encyclopedia

  • Jesús — (Del lat. bíblico Iesus, y este del hebr. yĕhošūa‘). m. Para los cristianos, segunda persona de la Santísima Trinidad, hecha hombre para redimir al género humano. Jesús Nazareno. m. Jesús. decir los Jesuses. fr. ant. Ayudar a bien morir. en un… …   Diccionario de la lengua española

  • Jesús — Jesús, María y José Saltar a navegación, búsqueda Jesús, María y José Título Jesús, María y José Ficha técnica Dirección Miguel Zacarías Producción Alfredo Zacarias Guión …   Wikipedia Español

  • Jesus — er en historisk person, som ifølge Biblen er Guds søn. Vores tidsregning er baseret på hans formodede fødselsår, som år 1. År 0 findes ikke, fordi man ikke kendte tallet 0 da man lavde tidsregningen. Året før år 1 er derfor år 1 f.Kr. Mange… …   Danske encyklopædi

  • Jesus — Je sus (j[=e] z[u^]s), prop. n. [L. Jesus, Gr. ?, from Heb. Y[=e]sh[=u]a ; Y[=a]h Jehovah + h[=o]sh[imac]a to help.] The {Savior}; the name of the Son of God as announced by the angel to his parents; the personal name of Our Lord, in distinction… …   The Collaborative International Dictionary of English

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